Friend Speak

You've got to love the difference between how you talk to your regular friends, and how you talk to your best friends. I mean really, think about it. You see your friend and you're like, "hey, how's it going?" Then you see one of your best friends and you're like, "Hey shit for brains, would you ask your wife if I left my underwear at your place when I was bangin her last week?" To which you would get an equally derogatory response or worse. And considering a lot of my best friends are people I served with, it can get pretty ugly if you're looking in from the outside.

Today I was on a social network and put up a post. 

And within a couple of comments it went from I love you, to you're a man whore. And of course, in good old fashioned ribbing, it escalated from their until we had nothing left to throw at each other. +Shane Snyder you're still my #1 man bitch. 

And of course, some of the crap we talk about really is crap. After all, aside from grossing out a sibling, or spouse, who else are your going to share your bowel movements with. Color, size, smell, when the hell did I eat corn? Then of course there's that one time you might even snap a picture of it and text it to them with that comment, "You're the bomb!"

Then of course you have to keep in mind, these are the people you can go a long time without speaking to for one reason or another. But when you do get together, it's like you just saw each other yesterday and it's No Holds Barred, you can talk about anything. And I do mean anything. This is probably why us veterans get along better than anyone else. +Mike Flavin you know what I'm talking about. The past, what's happening now, while putting down a cold one and smoking a cigar. And the best part, even if it's embarrassing, it's really not.

These are the are the people you go to with your relationship problems and tell you to suck it up. Then they turn it around so that both of you can talk crap about the person who just dumped you. Or they'll tell you to stop being a pussy, have a beer with them, and then take your sorry butt home and fix things because you're screwing up. No sugar coating either. They'll smack you up side the head just as fast as they will the person who screws with you. 

In the end, they're just another part of the legacy you'll leave behind. Best friend? Bullshit, that mofo is FAMILY.

Brief encounters of the trigger finger kind

The mighty cigar. While I admit that there are some women that enjoy them, not to be confused with the Monica Lewinsky incident, it is a pillar of manliness. Anyone can smoke a cigarette. And lets face it, most people look like total idiots with a good old fashioned pipe hanging out of there mouth. But a cigar, there's something that says, "I am what I am, now piss off."

They come in many shapes, and sizes, but I'm looking as something a bit more basic today. Now there are three groups I want to focus on, flavored, gourmet, and natural. Keep in mind this is how I look at them. By flavored I'm referring to your cheap, girly smokes like Swisher Sweets, Black & Mild, and your assorted crappy gas station smokes. These are the pieces of crap that stoner's actually believe hide the scent of their marijuana, or help mask the taste of their bud because their taste palate can't stomach it. While sure, they can serve as an occasional treat for the novice smoker, or a quick fix while you're out and about, they're generally a waste of money and burn through entirely too fast. Really, anyone that enjoys wrapping their trigger finger around a nice stogie on a regular basis will agree that these are the bottom of the barrel.

Then you have gourmet cigars. These are the carefully flavored beasts that take a cigar, and then add an extra something for those people who find a natural cigar a bit too meaty, or like something with a bit of taste for that post meal smoke. CAO is one of many groups that really locked down on this with cigars such as Moontrance and Eillen's Dream. Personally, my all time favorite cigar in this group is the Erin Go Bragh with Irish Cream. This area serves best when you have novice smokers around as well, because they're not usually as overwhelmed by the smoke as they would be when you have a group pulling off of a natural. They also smoke longer than the "flavored" group and are much smoother.

Finally you have the natural group. These are your good old fashioned stogies. They are blended so you have the more earthy, coffee, and/ or nutty flavors. We're talking truly blended beans and spices, with a nice oily wrapper. Sometimes even with a true dash of peppery goodness, combined with some ceder. They're much heavier, and are not generally for the virgin smoker. While some can be worked into, someone that isn't accustomed to what they can offer can easily become overwhelmed by them. These are what I normally enjoy, and my wife makes me take outside. These are more in line with what your grandpa probably smoked back in the day. You can bite down into one of these and not worry about it being done 15 minutes later. Many a night I've sat back on the porch with a nice adult beverage and spent an hour or more with my trigger finger wrapped around a Churchill and basking in its glory while enjoying a sunset, or the night sky.

So to those who truly want to enjoy a cigar, DO NOT buy some cheap piece of crap at the local gas station. Instead take your butt down to a local smoke shop, even better if it has an area set aside for members to smoke, and actually spend some time talking to the people there. Sure, it will cost a little more than the gas station, but you'll enjoy it a lot more.

Wear a Kilt

April 6, which was yesterday, is National Tartan Day. It's a day to celebrate Scottish heritage. I, of course am of Scottish, Irish, and German decent. Yes, that's me up above back on St Paddy's. In case you're wondering, no that's not the family tartan, but my other family USMC. None the less it's a holiday where families come out, eat, play, mingle, and of course show some Scottish pride.

If you look up WWI pics, you'll even find that Scottish troops were still wearing kilts into battle back then. Bet that scared the shit out of the enemy.

There's nothing more manly than wearing a kilt. Just ask Sean Connery.

And just for the ladies, here's Gerard Bulter.

And if you're not of Scottish heritage, it's okay. There's plenty of tartan's out there, and most families would take it as a compliment if you wore their colors. So go get yourself a nice kilt, or else Rowdy Roddy Piper might smash a coconut over your head.

Man Fridge

So last night I got home from work, and cracked open a nice adult beverage. Guinness in case you're wondering. And I'm sitting there reflecting on when I left active duty, and when my wife and I got together, tied the knot, and expanded our family. And it hit me, THE FRIDGE IS HER'S! I know, I know you're thinking it's insane. But it is my random thought so PFFT. :-P

I was thinking back to when I first got my studio, and was on my own without worrying about inspections, roommates, random people just popping in and helping themselves to whatever. So one of the first things I did, is what any self respecting, single, Marine with a man cave would do. I filled the freezer with an assortment of frozen pizza's, and loaded the door with Jagermeister, and ice cream. Then in the fridge part I had a gallon of milk, orange juice, a couple 12 packs of soda, some lunch meats, cheese, and condiments, then I loaded that bastard with an assortment of beer. Oddly enough, the only beer that didn't get drank right away was the Coors Light. But the drawers, doors, and shelves where loaded to capacity with Guinness, Heineken, Coors Extra Gold, Grolsch Lager, and whatever else seemed good at the time. I all honesty, I probably should have gotten a liqueur license for the fridge alone.

Now I make the trip across the kitchen and I'm greeted by leftovers that I alone will eat. Leftovers! Food my wife and kids treat like a disease! I never had leftovers when I was on my own, or when I had roommates. It was all eaten the night before. Leftovers were nothing more than a distant memory of Junior High.

So I told the wife today. I want my own fridge again. I don't care if it's a mini-fridge, but I'm getting one. Now I have to figure out where to put it.

The awesome power of a fully operational waterbed.

I LOVE my waterbed. LOVE IT! Sleeping is one of the things that's always been rough for me. It hasn't always been trying to get to sleep, but rather staying asleep or getting good sleep. I've had hard beds. Hate em. I'm had mid-ground beds, just meh. Soft beds are better to a point, but if they're too soft then I feel like I'm suffocating in them. Might as well just put a pillow over my head at that point.

One place I've always felt at home is on the water. I mean, if I could just back float for a couple hours without having to worry about the whole drowning thing, I'd sleep in a pool or in the ocean. Swimming, SCUBA, are two of the most relaxing things in the world. I've even fallen asleep in the bath, and occasionally during a good shower. Even the sound of water is relaxing. I've had the opportunity to sleep in a couple of waterbeds here and there, and have always loved them. Then a few years ago I finally had the chance and got a nice king sized waterbed.

Magical. Now, I don't always get straight to sleep. Too much crap running through my head. But just laying there is relaxing. I can adjust the heat for the cold months, which is better than an electric blanket. Turn it down low, or even off during the summer months and it's nice and cool. It's almost as good as sleeping in a pool. A waterbed on a house boat is probably Heaven.

Now some people think it's too much maintenance, and what if there's a leak. Well, I did have one leak after I first got it. A half dozen pin sized holes. Proved a real pain in the ass for a couple hours. But after draining the bed, and having my step dad come help me lift the mattress and pick up a patch kit on the way over, problem solved. And I haven't had a leak since. Now, I probably will eventually true, but it's easy to get a wet vac on some water than it is to clean up mattress stuffing. Plus, it's a small price to pay for the ultimate in sleep comfort.

To shave, or not to shave?

Me today
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                      Me about a month or so ago
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Well, times they haven't changed. I used to be I couldn't make it more than a couple weeks without shaving. I tried and tried. Just couldn't do it. But then something happened. Around Christmas time I finally go so that to could handle not shaving and actually started to like having having facial hair. A co-worker even commented how it seemed like I had something different going on every week there for a while. I'd be shaved clean one week, a chin strap the next, a goatee after that, even just a mustache for a while. But finally I just went with the goatee. It just seemed right.

Well apparently I'm not the only one that felt this way. Because I decided to shave it on a whim. Not only did my wife say, she didn't approve, but that I look like a kid! A couple of co-workers have made comments echoing the disapproval. And to lay it all out there, I do feel a bit like I'm missing something. So, it's time to grow again! But to grow what exactly remains to be decided. So I'll just start with the full beard and treat my face like a Bonsai tree to see what feels right from there. This could get interesting.

Thanks Lizzy Spit

This post is from the fun side of the Force today.

Score #Spits 1 - Trolls 0.

Last night a troll decided to take a stroll through some public posts in the land of Google Plus from months ago. And in true troll fashion they took a moment to make a nasty comment. I didn't take the insult, as I find humor in how small and closed minded some people are and pity them. I made a brief, yet polite comment back and dropped the subject. Within minute, however, I was once again looking at sheer class and kindness offered in the form of the awesome +LIZZY SPIT. Within just a few short minutes, not only did she remove the trolls ugly comment, but actually took time to briefly message me that she had as well. Much thanks and love to Lizzy. #iamaspit #thanks #love