Laundry the hard way

The curve balls life throws can be funny sometimes. So our washer went out. Total bummer. But at least we have alternatives as to how we can wash our clothes. Funny how we always take things for granted until they crap out on us. Oh well. But it brought back memories of boot camp.

Good ol MCRD San Diego made sure we wouldn't forget laundry day. Just another example of how Marines are different from others. For laundry day we would go behind our barracks where we had huge concrete slabs with water faucets spread out every few feet. Just like you'd hook a garden hose up to. And it was COLD. Which was one of the few refreshing points of going to boot camp in the summer time, yet I digress. So what would happen is that we'd put some laundry detergent into our individual canteen cups, and fill it with water so we'd have our soapy water. We'd proceed to soak our clothes. Then we'd take a scrub brush (scuz brush in Marine lingo), dip it into the soapy water, and then scrub the muck, crap, and whatever unholy crap we had gotten on our cammies that week, out of our clothes. Once that was done, we'd hose them off with the fresh water from the faucets again to get the soap out. Finally, we'd wring out all the water we could, and hang our clothes, in an orderly and proficient manner, hang our clothes on old fashioned clothes lines to dry. Trousers in one area, shirts in another, again with socks, and underwear.

And then, the next morning, dry or not we got our clothes off the lines, feld up, and stowed away in our foot lockers. It made it easy to figure out why military footlockers always smell like mildew. Yes, mystery solved. Keep it in mind next time you're at a legit military surplus store that sells used gear.

Scuz Brush

Foot Locker that may or may not stay in one piece

Laundry Day Circa WWII. It obviously hadn't changed much by the time I got there in 2000.

Pizza by the Balls

This one's a shorty. So a few weeks back I came across a post on Facebook that looked delicious. So I shared it, and gave it a try. It was a hit! It was devoured so fast everyone was disappointed they couldn't have more. So for those that don't follow me, I'll share it here complete with the picture that came with it. Try it, do a variation, we're talking pizza here man! We had it as shown and with Canadian bacon. I'm thinking a fire Hawaiian may be needed in the near future. I don't know who came up with this recipe, but kudos to whoever it was.

PIZZA BALLS 
3 cans Pillsbury Buttermilk Biscuits (10 per can), 
56 pepperoni slices, 
block of Colby cheese, 
1 beaten egg,
Parmesan, Italian seasoning, Garlic powder,
1 jar pizza sauce

Cut the block of cheese into 28 squares.
Flatten a biscuit out and stack pepperoni and cheese on top.
Gather up the edges of the biscuit.
Line up the rolls in a greased 9x13 in pan.
Brush with beaten egg.
Sprinkle with parmesan,
Italian seasoning and garlic powder.
Bake at 425°F for 18-20 minutes.

Use the pizza sauce for dipping

It's a game, not a dating site.

Games. It happens a lot with guys, and I with some women too. I find it annoying as hell. So here I am, I have my lovely smartphone in hand, and I'm looking to kill some time. So I do what so many others do, and I pull up a game on my phone. Doesn't matter what it is, a scrabble like game, mini golf, dice, or name that tune, I always run into the same problem. You send out an invite to start a game with a random person, and if you're the same sex you get declined almost every time! It makes it hard to find a good game. To make matters worse, you get some moron who wants to ask age, if you're married, etc. What the french toast! It's a friggin game, not a damn dating service!

So briefly I tried an experiment on one of them. I put up a random pic that doesn't show a person. It was obvious people didn't look at my screen name. Instead not only was the game accepted, but I'm getting in game messages asking if I'm a girl, where I am, how old I am, if I'm seeing anyone. Yeah, YOU ARE SOME DUMBASSES! And what makes it worse is that it's not all school kids, it's grown adults doing this! As soon as I changed my pic to show who I really am, it came to a screeching halt, and again I'm in exile with most men. Which isn't all bad, because at least when I do get a game going, I know it's someone like me that actually wants to play the game. 

This is where good parenting comes in and parents limit, screen, and spot check what they allow their kids access too. Some of these deviants are down right disgusting. Yes, that includes women. Seriously, you're not going to get a date from playing a game. Do these people really think they're going to find love in a round or words with friends or draw something? Just because I played word feud with you, does not mean I want to marry you. In all honesty, you're lucky if I even respond to a message outside of "good game" or "rematch". 

A lot of people are complaining that they can't find love. Here's why. IT'S NOT IN A VIDEO GAME! Unplug for a while, get a job, move out of your parents basement, and learn how to talk to real live people. Oh crap, what a concept! Talking. It's not a new invention, it's just one that seems to be lost in the gibberish of text talk and playing Wii instead of actual basketball. 

Crap Gifts

A couple of days ago I got a crap gift. We all get crap gifts at some point, but this is one I almost took personally. The other day, one of our transporters come in and says, "Hey, I hear you like cigars. I brought you one of mine to try." Keep in mind he's dead serious. He then proceeds to hand me a cheap gas station monstrosity with what I like to call, a bitch cap. It's that plastic piece at the end. You almost got to see what this little thing looks like once stuck into one of the dog turds in my backyard.

At first I wanted to laugh and say, "What the heck is that?" And I told him what I prefer to smoke. Names like Gurkha, and Vegas were quickly lost on him and I knew I was talking to a novice. But then when I mentioned basics like Churchill, or Torpedo, and the deer in the headlights look told me he's not just a novice, but totally ignorant in the world of cigars. Keep in mind I do try to keep things in layman's terms here.

So I took this as a reminder that sometimes, people do give us things with the best of intentions, and just don't realize what they are doing. They're not necessarily the village idiot, though they may be. They're just uneducated. In this case, I believe a bit of both came into play. Still, now I need to decide what to do with this POS that some would call a cigar. You may end up seeing a pic of it stuck in a dug turd yet. I'm open to suggestions!

MMA Underdog

MMA. Love it or hate it, it's the sport that's taking the world by storm for the past decade. While it was breaking ground, and gaining momentum, you have to give Dana White credit for launching it into the spot light. Minus the hair, he really is the Don King of cage fighting.  But today I'm looking at one of my favorite fighters Big Country Roy Nelson.

Why? Because he is opposite of what people want in a fighter. He's not a big trash talker. That mantel has been taken by Chael Sonnen, and is continually targeted by many others. He isn't an arrogant, spoon fed, neanderthal. Brock Lesner not only got that crown, but is too stupid to realize it. Nor does he have the look that makes the groupies go nuts. I'm pretty sure GSP has owned that for a while now. No, he's a average guy, with a head for fighting, that's built like Dan Conner with a mullet. Essentially, he's carrying all the cards that make for a good underdog in that respect.

Here's a guy that's had quality training, and was an IFL Champion. But ended up in highly contested bouts, and in organizations that couldn't even make it through breakfast before they closed shop. Then he tried out for, and qualified for The Ultimate Fighter. Hey, a little recognition, great! But then that starts to get shot because here comes Dana White mocking him, and making it clear he doesn't like him. Basically Dana comes in and pulls a page one how to be a douche bag out of Vince McMahon's book by judging the book by it's cover. Now while the show went out of it's way not to promote Roy, it did have a few points where he got to show his mind. In one such scene he's at the TUF house explaining to the other fighters the concept of fight smarter, not harder. He explains you don't have to set out to hurt the other guy if you don't have too, you just have to keep working him over. Clearly it was brushed off by the others. In what I felt was a genius move to prove his point, he showed it in a fight against Kimbo Slice. Basically he laid on top of him in a crucifix position, and continually hit him in the head in a manner that was basically tapping him until the ref was forced to call the fight. Brilliant!

Then came the moment of truth, his fight for a contract. Knock out of the night! He made Dana White eat crow! The boss said, no way. And he showed him up big time. Then he says he's going out for some burgers while rubbing his belly. You have to respect that. Then, in order to try to wash him out of the UFC, Dana tried to feed him to a supposedly better fighter. KO of the night again! His legacy in the UFC has been highly understated in my opinion. The only three fights he's lost have been to decision, and even one of those was awarded fight of the night. And they were to other top rate fighters. Every single win however, has been via KO or TKO, with every KO and one TKO being awarded knockout of the night.

Any way you cut it, he's a dangerous guy to get in the cage with. Aside from promotion, his biggest flaw is typical of a big man. He gets gassed really fast. That's just my opinion though. He's an underdog if for no other reason than the fact that Dana White doesn't care for him and wants him gone. And I love an underdog.

Motorcycle Blues

Time for a brief venting session. Is it just me, or are mechanics getting worse? For instance you take your car in for some basic maintenance, and you tell them to let you know if they see anything else that needs or will soon need work done. They hold your car hostage for a week, give it back with just the maintenance done and say it's good to go. Next thing you know, you're broke down on the side of the road. When you finally get your death cage towed into the garage they say, "Yeah, this has been bad for a while. It should have been replaced about a century ago." Hey dick, you said it was good a week ago! And it doesn't matter if you go to a second garage to get it looked over, because they pull the same thing!

Then you have our lovely motorcycle mechanics. Seems like most places you're looking at a week just to get a friggin tire changed. Now on my bike, I can understand having to wait a few days. After all it's almost 30 years old, and doesn't use a common tire size after all. But for an oil change, and carb cleaning to take 2 weeks... really? Absolute crap.

This time I took my beloved motorcycle in, I knew it would probably be a couple weeks. It's been 3 weeks, and I'm still waiting! Yes, order the new tire. (I blew my front tire stem coming off the interstate). I TOOK them a new gauge box. (My old one died, about a year ago and I'm tired of not having accurate readings). I needed a new front right blinker, since the bulb died. (They have it in stock). And it was due for an oil change and have the carbs cleaned. #1) I'm not just in for a quick oil change and out, I'm here to give your work that you and I both know you're going to overcharge the crap out of me on man time. #2) We're looking at some $$$ being spent. Not a little, but 1 full paycheck minimum. Which bring me to #3) Call and tell me what's up, it's been 3 damn weeks! I know customer service has gone the way of the dodo bird, but how about some damn courtesy! 3 weeks, and I have to call you to find out the status of my bike!

All this prime riding weather, and I'm stuck waiting. Got invited to go on a ride on Tuesday when I'm off, and had to tell them what's up. What's worse is they weren't surprised either! I miss my old shop. They had good customer service, and got the job done. Wish I had a place close by where I could learn to do this stuff myself. I'd open my own garage.

Friend Speak

You've got to love the difference between how you talk to your regular friends, and how you talk to your best friends. I mean really, think about it. You see your friend and you're like, "hey, how's it going?" Then you see one of your best friends and you're like, "Hey shit for brains, would you ask your wife if I left my underwear at your place when I was bangin her last week?" To which you would get an equally derogatory response or worse. And considering a lot of my best friends are people I served with, it can get pretty ugly if you're looking in from the outside.

Today I was on a social network and put up a post. 

And within a couple of comments it went from I love you, to you're a man whore. And of course, in good old fashioned ribbing, it escalated from their until we had nothing left to throw at each other. +Shane Snyder you're still my #1 man bitch. 

And of course, some of the crap we talk about really is crap. After all, aside from grossing out a sibling, or spouse, who else are your going to share your bowel movements with. Color, size, smell, when the hell did I eat corn? Then of course there's that one time you might even snap a picture of it and text it to them with that comment, "You're the bomb!"

Then of course you have to keep in mind, these are the people you can go a long time without speaking to for one reason or another. But when you do get together, it's like you just saw each other yesterday and it's No Holds Barred, you can talk about anything. And I do mean anything. This is probably why us veterans get along better than anyone else. +Mike Flavin you know what I'm talking about. The past, what's happening now, while putting down a cold one and smoking a cigar. And the best part, even if it's embarrassing, it's really not.

These are the are the people you go to with your relationship problems and tell you to suck it up. Then they turn it around so that both of you can talk crap about the person who just dumped you. Or they'll tell you to stop being a pussy, have a beer with them, and then take your sorry butt home and fix things because you're screwing up. No sugar coating either. They'll smack you up side the head just as fast as they will the person who screws with you. 

In the end, they're just another part of the legacy you'll leave behind. Best friend? Bullshit, that mofo is FAMILY.

Brief encounters of the trigger finger kind

The mighty cigar. While I admit that there are some women that enjoy them, not to be confused with the Monica Lewinsky incident, it is a pillar of manliness. Anyone can smoke a cigarette. And lets face it, most people look like total idiots with a good old fashioned pipe hanging out of there mouth. But a cigar, there's something that says, "I am what I am, now piss off."

They come in many shapes, and sizes, but I'm looking as something a bit more basic today. Now there are three groups I want to focus on, flavored, gourmet, and natural. Keep in mind this is how I look at them. By flavored I'm referring to your cheap, girly smokes like Swisher Sweets, Black & Mild, and your assorted crappy gas station smokes. These are the pieces of crap that stoner's actually believe hide the scent of their marijuana, or help mask the taste of their bud because their taste palate can't stomach it. While sure, they can serve as an occasional treat for the novice smoker, or a quick fix while you're out and about, they're generally a waste of money and burn through entirely too fast. Really, anyone that enjoys wrapping their trigger finger around a nice stogie on a regular basis will agree that these are the bottom of the barrel.

Then you have gourmet cigars. These are the carefully flavored beasts that take a cigar, and then add an extra something for those people who find a natural cigar a bit too meaty, or like something with a bit of taste for that post meal smoke. CAO is one of many groups that really locked down on this with cigars such as Moontrance and Eillen's Dream. Personally, my all time favorite cigar in this group is the Erin Go Bragh with Irish Cream. This area serves best when you have novice smokers around as well, because they're not usually as overwhelmed by the smoke as they would be when you have a group pulling off of a natural. They also smoke longer than the "flavored" group and are much smoother.

Finally you have the natural group. These are your good old fashioned stogies. They are blended so you have the more earthy, coffee, and/ or nutty flavors. We're talking truly blended beans and spices, with a nice oily wrapper. Sometimes even with a true dash of peppery goodness, combined with some ceder. They're much heavier, and are not generally for the virgin smoker. While some can be worked into, someone that isn't accustomed to what they can offer can easily become overwhelmed by them. These are what I normally enjoy, and my wife makes me take outside. These are more in line with what your grandpa probably smoked back in the day. You can bite down into one of these and not worry about it being done 15 minutes later. Many a night I've sat back on the porch with a nice adult beverage and spent an hour or more with my trigger finger wrapped around a Churchill and basking in its glory while enjoying a sunset, or the night sky.

So to those who truly want to enjoy a cigar, DO NOT buy some cheap piece of crap at the local gas station. Instead take your butt down to a local smoke shop, even better if it has an area set aside for members to smoke, and actually spend some time talking to the people there. Sure, it will cost a little more than the gas station, but you'll enjoy it a lot more.

Wear a Kilt

April 6, which was yesterday, is National Tartan Day. It's a day to celebrate Scottish heritage. I, of course am of Scottish, Irish, and German decent. Yes, that's me up above back on St Paddy's. In case you're wondering, no that's not the family tartan, but my other family USMC. None the less it's a holiday where families come out, eat, play, mingle, and of course show some Scottish pride.

If you look up WWI pics, you'll even find that Scottish troops were still wearing kilts into battle back then. Bet that scared the shit out of the enemy.

There's nothing more manly than wearing a kilt. Just ask Sean Connery.

And just for the ladies, here's Gerard Bulter.

And if you're not of Scottish heritage, it's okay. There's plenty of tartan's out there, and most families would take it as a compliment if you wore their colors. So go get yourself a nice kilt, or else Rowdy Roddy Piper might smash a coconut over your head.

Man Fridge

So last night I got home from work, and cracked open a nice adult beverage. Guinness in case you're wondering. And I'm sitting there reflecting on when I left active duty, and when my wife and I got together, tied the knot, and expanded our family. And it hit me, THE FRIDGE IS HER'S! I know, I know you're thinking it's insane. But it is my random thought so PFFT. :-P

I was thinking back to when I first got my studio, and was on my own without worrying about inspections, roommates, random people just popping in and helping themselves to whatever. So one of the first things I did, is what any self respecting, single, Marine with a man cave would do. I filled the freezer with an assortment of frozen pizza's, and loaded the door with Jagermeister, and ice cream. Then in the fridge part I had a gallon of milk, orange juice, a couple 12 packs of soda, some lunch meats, cheese, and condiments, then I loaded that bastard with an assortment of beer. Oddly enough, the only beer that didn't get drank right away was the Coors Light. But the drawers, doors, and shelves where loaded to capacity with Guinness, Heineken, Coors Extra Gold, Grolsch Lager, and whatever else seemed good at the time. I all honesty, I probably should have gotten a liqueur license for the fridge alone.

Now I make the trip across the kitchen and I'm greeted by leftovers that I alone will eat. Leftovers! Food my wife and kids treat like a disease! I never had leftovers when I was on my own, or when I had roommates. It was all eaten the night before. Leftovers were nothing more than a distant memory of Junior High.

So I told the wife today. I want my own fridge again. I don't care if it's a mini-fridge, but I'm getting one. Now I have to figure out where to put it.

The awesome power of a fully operational waterbed.

I LOVE my waterbed. LOVE IT! Sleeping is one of the things that's always been rough for me. It hasn't always been trying to get to sleep, but rather staying asleep or getting good sleep. I've had hard beds. Hate em. I'm had mid-ground beds, just meh. Soft beds are better to a point, but if they're too soft then I feel like I'm suffocating in them. Might as well just put a pillow over my head at that point.

One place I've always felt at home is on the water. I mean, if I could just back float for a couple hours without having to worry about the whole drowning thing, I'd sleep in a pool or in the ocean. Swimming, SCUBA, are two of the most relaxing things in the world. I've even fallen asleep in the bath, and occasionally during a good shower. Even the sound of water is relaxing. I've had the opportunity to sleep in a couple of waterbeds here and there, and have always loved them. Then a few years ago I finally had the chance and got a nice king sized waterbed.

Magical. Now, I don't always get straight to sleep. Too much crap running through my head. But just laying there is relaxing. I can adjust the heat for the cold months, which is better than an electric blanket. Turn it down low, or even off during the summer months and it's nice and cool. It's almost as good as sleeping in a pool. A waterbed on a house boat is probably Heaven.

Now some people think it's too much maintenance, and what if there's a leak. Well, I did have one leak after I first got it. A half dozen pin sized holes. Proved a real pain in the ass for a couple hours. But after draining the bed, and having my step dad come help me lift the mattress and pick up a patch kit on the way over, problem solved. And I haven't had a leak since. Now, I probably will eventually true, but it's easy to get a wet vac on some water than it is to clean up mattress stuffing. Plus, it's a small price to pay for the ultimate in sleep comfort.

To shave, or not to shave?

Me today
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                      Me about a month or so ago
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Well, times they haven't changed. I used to be I couldn't make it more than a couple weeks without shaving. I tried and tried. Just couldn't do it. But then something happened. Around Christmas time I finally go so that to could handle not shaving and actually started to like having having facial hair. A co-worker even commented how it seemed like I had something different going on every week there for a while. I'd be shaved clean one week, a chin strap the next, a goatee after that, even just a mustache for a while. But finally I just went with the goatee. It just seemed right.

Well apparently I'm not the only one that felt this way. Because I decided to shave it on a whim. Not only did my wife say, she didn't approve, but that I look like a kid! A couple of co-workers have made comments echoing the disapproval. And to lay it all out there, I do feel a bit like I'm missing something. So, it's time to grow again! But to grow what exactly remains to be decided. So I'll just start with the full beard and treat my face like a Bonsai tree to see what feels right from there. This could get interesting.

Thanks Lizzy Spit

This post is from the fun side of the Force today.

Score #Spits 1 - Trolls 0.

Last night a troll decided to take a stroll through some public posts in the land of Google Plus from months ago. And in true troll fashion they took a moment to make a nasty comment. I didn't take the insult, as I find humor in how small and closed minded some people are and pity them. I made a brief, yet polite comment back and dropped the subject. Within minute, however, I was once again looking at sheer class and kindness offered in the form of the awesome +LIZZY SPIT. Within just a few short minutes, not only did she remove the trolls ugly comment, but actually took time to briefly message me that she had as well. Much thanks and love to Lizzy. #iamaspit #thanks #love