Mother's Day

So today is a reminder to all the mommies, that at one point, they put out, and a few long months later, we all ripped through their vagina like a high school football team through a paper banner. Yup, I went there.

In my case it's probably more of a a mixed bag of, "that's my boy," "bastard destroyed my body," and "I knew I should have swallowed." I've been that big of a pain her butt over the years, and have no intention of letting up. (Just my way of saying I love you +LoisAnn Brock.)

Then of course, there's the I love you and congrats we all give to our significant others who we sacrifice on the alter of pain. As if we didn't have enough on our plate, I stuck a seed of slow death in my lovely wife as well. And in a fraction of the time it's taken me with my own mom, I've been a burning pain in her butt as well. She's been ready to smash my head clear out my butt with a frying pan on more than one occasion. (Just my way of saying I love you +Erica Rominger.)

So, Happy Mother's Day. And no, I still won't apologize for what happened to your vagina's.