A Writer That's Not A Writer

Writing. Seems a such a funny word. Writer. Even funnier. Author. Well that's downright unthinkable most of the time. I support all writers. Those who truly are, or aspire to be. To write is a gift. Not everyone has it. Some try, and like to call themselves writers, but truly are not. To put pen to paper, and create something is truly a special kind of magic. And like all things special, not everyone can have it. That's a part of what makes it special.

For me, there could be some irony that I am the one saying this. Why? Because I'm a talker, not a writer. It's not because I choose to be. It's because if I do indeed have that special magic, I haven't learned to harness it. You see, when I sit down for my blog, I talk it out in my head as though I'm having a conversation. Sometimes that conversation is directed to someone in particular, other times I'm simply talking to myself, and yet other times I'm talking for the sake of talking. So when you read my blog, you're reading a small part of the tornado of ideas that are being thrown around in my mind.

If I applied myself a little bit, I could throw some ink across the page and it would be a short poem. But while I like some poetry, I'm not a poet. I grew up surrounded by books. In my life I've read thousands. I have ideas for stories. One is a vast universe that lives, evolves, and pulses. But I can't put it to paper. I want to. I'd love to. It's a universe I believe at least some others would like. So why can't I? As I said before, I lack the magic.

Up until I sit down to write, I have a plan. People to introduce. Places to describe. Events from great to tragic. However, once I sit down an illness sets in. Everything gets jumbled together. It's no longer coherent. What was up is now down. What was hot is now cold. What what quite and peaceful is loud and overwhelming. No matter what I do, it never comes back together until I stop and walk away. Then the haze lifts. I've tried writing small parts, cards, memos, horrid pictures that don't remotely look as they should. When I was younger it wasn't as hard. I could wave my hand at the last minute, and the rabbit would just appear. Now that I want the rabbit to appear, it appears to have disappeared.

I have not lost hope. I chalk it up as just not being the right time. The time might come an hour from now, a day, a decade, a lifetime. It may not come at all. It could be a universe that only I am to be privy to. But for now I'll wait. I'll wait, and I'll talk, I'll joke, I'll sing, and I'll sleep on it. And one day, one day I'll not only find the magic, but the ability to use it. Until then, I'll talk and share the other things in my head. I'll be a writer, that's not a writer. Life is funny that way. Wouldn't you agree?

Bitter Sweet Goodbye

This actually ties in a bit to a previous blog post I put up about unplugging. So I deactivated my Facebook profile the other day. For the most part I haven't really had an interest in turning it back on this time. There's some urge to go there here and there, but I attribute that to having it for so long. I turned off the ol FB and suddenly there's less drama, and less whining to see.

I'm actually thinking about doing the same with my Twitter account. Other than posting links to my blog, and the occasional news post I find interesting, I don't use it for anything. There's a lot of whining there too. Other than a source to promote my blog, it's really nothing. Most things I read there are MMA related. And any legitimate news on that come across a 100 other media channels as well. So I wouldn't really lose anything.

To say I've lost anything would be a lie too. Since turning off FB I've noticed a significant drop in my blog viewer-ship. And by significant, I can say well over a hundred hits a month are gone. I can easily attribute this to the fact that I share links to each new post there, so many people don't have to actually subscribe to my blog. Instead they see a new post to let them know right there. Plus, I've found that Facebooker's are a lot more likely to share these posts. For Google supposedly being the best place for that sort of thing, I certainly don't see it. For that matter, I don't think anyone has ever come across my blog through Google. Instead it's because they're in one of my circle's (usually, not always), or they belong to a group that I'm in and share my posts with as well. This is definitely an area that I've found Google to fall flat on it's face with. I have seen more traffic from Technorati, and even that isn't much. So by leaving FB off, I'll have to come to grips with the fact that I'll be losing a vast sea in which I can promote myself. But that's one heck of a change, and it'll be much harder to build those numbers back up. It is doable though.

So with this I offer some advise to other bloggers. If you see a blog you like that's by anyone, not just me, share it on your various venues. Keep in mind, many of us have public blogs and want people to read and share it. In my case, if I have something up that you'd like me to revisit, for updates, or just a continuation, don't hesitate to let me know.

I'm done with my little rant now.