A Writer That's Not A Writer

Writing. Seems a such a funny word. Writer. Even funnier. Author. Well that's downright unthinkable most of the time. I support all writers. Those who truly are, or aspire to be. To write is a gift. Not everyone has it. Some try, and like to call themselves writers, but truly are not. To put pen to paper, and create something is truly a special kind of magic. And like all things special, not everyone can have it. That's a part of what makes it special.

For me, there could be some irony that I am the one saying this. Why? Because I'm a talker, not a writer. It's not because I choose to be. It's because if I do indeed have that special magic, I haven't learned to harness it. You see, when I sit down for my blog, I talk it out in my head as though I'm having a conversation. Sometimes that conversation is directed to someone in particular, other times I'm simply talking to myself, and yet other times I'm talking for the sake of talking. So when you read my blog, you're reading a small part of the tornado of ideas that are being thrown around in my mind.

If I applied myself a little bit, I could throw some ink across the page and it would be a short poem. But while I like some poetry, I'm not a poet. I grew up surrounded by books. In my life I've read thousands. I have ideas for stories. One is a vast universe that lives, evolves, and pulses. But I can't put it to paper. I want to. I'd love to. It's a universe I believe at least some others would like. So why can't I? As I said before, I lack the magic.

Up until I sit down to write, I have a plan. People to introduce. Places to describe. Events from great to tragic. However, once I sit down an illness sets in. Everything gets jumbled together. It's no longer coherent. What was up is now down. What was hot is now cold. What what quite and peaceful is loud and overwhelming. No matter what I do, it never comes back together until I stop and walk away. Then the haze lifts. I've tried writing small parts, cards, memos, horrid pictures that don't remotely look as they should. When I was younger it wasn't as hard. I could wave my hand at the last minute, and the rabbit would just appear. Now that I want the rabbit to appear, it appears to have disappeared.

I have not lost hope. I chalk it up as just not being the right time. The time might come an hour from now, a day, a decade, a lifetime. It may not come at all. It could be a universe that only I am to be privy to. But for now I'll wait. I'll wait, and I'll talk, I'll joke, I'll sing, and I'll sleep on it. And one day, one day I'll not only find the magic, but the ability to use it. Until then, I'll talk and share the other things in my head. I'll be a writer, that's not a writer. Life is funny that way. Wouldn't you agree?

Friend Speak

You've got to love the difference between how you talk to your regular friends, and how you talk to your best friends. I mean really, think about it. You see your friend and you're like, "hey, how's it going?" Then you see one of your best friends and you're like, "Hey shit for brains, would you ask your wife if I left my underwear at your place when I was bangin her last week?" To which you would get an equally derogatory response or worse. And considering a lot of my best friends are people I served with, it can get pretty ugly if you're looking in from the outside.

Today I was on a social network and put up a post. 

And within a couple of comments it went from I love you, to you're a man whore. And of course, in good old fashioned ribbing, it escalated from their until we had nothing left to throw at each other. +Shane Snyder you're still my #1 man bitch. 

And of course, some of the crap we talk about really is crap. After all, aside from grossing out a sibling, or spouse, who else are your going to share your bowel movements with. Color, size, smell, when the hell did I eat corn? Then of course there's that one time you might even snap a picture of it and text it to them with that comment, "You're the bomb!"

Then of course you have to keep in mind, these are the people you can go a long time without speaking to for one reason or another. But when you do get together, it's like you just saw each other yesterday and it's No Holds Barred, you can talk about anything. And I do mean anything. This is probably why us veterans get along better than anyone else. +Mike Flavin you know what I'm talking about. The past, what's happening now, while putting down a cold one and smoking a cigar. And the best part, even if it's embarrassing, it's really not.

These are the are the people you go to with your relationship problems and tell you to suck it up. Then they turn it around so that both of you can talk crap about the person who just dumped you. Or they'll tell you to stop being a pussy, have a beer with them, and then take your sorry butt home and fix things because you're screwing up. No sugar coating either. They'll smack you up side the head just as fast as they will the person who screws with you. 

In the end, they're just another part of the legacy you'll leave behind. Best friend? Bullshit, that mofo is FAMILY.