Mother's Day

So today is a reminder to all the mommies, that at one point, they put out, and a few long months later, we all ripped through their vagina like a high school football team through a paper banner. Yup, I went there.

In my case it's probably more of a a mixed bag of, "that's my boy," "bastard destroyed my body," and "I knew I should have swallowed." I've been that big of a pain her butt over the years, and have no intention of letting up. (Just my way of saying I love you +LoisAnn Brock.)

Then of course, there's the I love you and congrats we all give to our significant others who we sacrifice on the alter of pain. As if we didn't have enough on our plate, I stuck a seed of slow death in my lovely wife as well. And in a fraction of the time it's taken me with my own mom, I've been a burning pain in her butt as well. She's been ready to smash my head clear out my butt with a frying pan on more than one occasion. (Just my way of saying I love you +Erica Rominger.)

So, Happy Mother's Day. And no, I still won't apologize for what happened to your vagina's.

Sensory overload. Time to unplug.

I recently took on a mission. I'm looking to unplug a bit. Not get completely away from the web mind you, but release it some. Ease my grip from the desire to be plugged into the ongoings of everything a bit, and get back to basics. It seems more and more that we as a society are plugged into everything. I'll use myself for an example, as I have become typical in this respect. This probably rings true for you too. At least in some respect.

I almost always have a computer running around me. If I'm not on a computer, then odds are good that I have my smartphone in hand and something going with it. And even if I'm somewhat broken away from it, I'm on my Xbox, playing a multiplayer game, complete with my mic dangling from my head. Everything is plugged in.

And while it does provide a lot of convenience, it has also become a bit of a crutch. A simple conversation, I'm still doing something on a computer or my phone. Dinner with the family, my phone is in my free hand. TV is off so I can sleep, phone is back in hand. Taking my son to school, hold on a moment while I put in my earplugs so I don't miss anything on the way. Bathroom... fortunately I refrain from stupid duck face and other bathroom pics, but yes, there's a good chance I'm playing games or texting in there like everyone else.

Sensory overload.

I'm sitting here and I'm thinking to myself. When was the last time I enjoyed some time with my wife without looking down at some screen? When was the last time I truly just sat and enjoyed the scenery without looking a a little glowing screen? When was the last time I sat down to eat without reading posts, or something else for dinner? When was the last time I sat down and had a conversation outside of work where my attention was on nothing but the conversation?

So I've decided to unplug some. It's time to go back to a basic phone. It's time to get an mp3 player that's not constantly connected to the web. It's time to get back to enjoying scenery. It's time to be sitting down for a conversation and giving that person 100% of my attention.

So to do this, I'm forcing myself to break some habits, and form new ones.

1) Turn off the cable. Check. We did this a couple years ago, and it's been a wonderful change. I wish we had done it sooner.

2) Limit time on the computer. Hard, but doable.

3) Cut the smartphone, and go back to a basic phone. Very hard. But I do have my computer for most things that are on it. Aside from a few games which can be forgotten, or played on a tablet during computer time, the thing that's hardest for me is my music. Which brings us to 4.

4) Get an mp3 player. I love my music, it's a crutch that has always been with me. Listening to my parents record player when I was little. Basically taking over their first walkman and making it my own so I could listen to the radio and tapes as I went to sleep. (I probably listened to the Cars, and the Grass Roots more than anyone on the planet because of this). Even those goofy radio earphones in the 80's were part of my collection. And with the exception of USMC Boot Camp, I have always had a walkman of some sort with me. Everywhere I've been, music has been there.

5) Get out more. Time for walks or just finding more to do outside.

So the most critical part here, at least to me, is finding a music player that I can be happy with. Something that will hold a ton of music without me having to constantly re-sync with a computer. 2 GB probably seems like a lot to most people, but for someone of my tastes, it's a joke. I have well over 25 GB in the cloud alone, without looking at my CD collection. And my taste from now to 10 minutes from now can change in a rabbits heart beat.

In addition, I want something that will last. Not some cheap POS that will die after a 3 foot drop from my desk. Something that can handle the occasional drop without issue. And will last me for a while. From what I've been reading though, mp3 players have become cheap and disposable since most people rely on their phones for this entertainment now. As much as I despise Apple (I'm a Linux user that goes to Windows as needed) I find myself leaning more towards getting a dreaded iPod. It's not to say that it's the end of the world. But I'd rather not.

So my mission continues. If anything this rings a bell for you, you might look at making some changes too. What do you use as an mp3 player? Would you recommend it? How do you unplug from an increasingly plugged in world? ESCAPE THE MATRIX!

Ultimate Badasses

You have to love how people respond to the question of who their all time favourite MMA fighter is. The responses are hilarious, and highlight how little the average fan know about the sport. While I'm not putting down the fighters, as many are pretty damn good, I am sitting here wishing the average fan would vest a little more time getting educated before opening their sewers. Typically responses include the likes of Couture, Liddell, GSP, Silva, Bisping, etc. Fighters that for the most part are still fighting, or in some form still a face for the UFC in general. Sometimes you'll get a name from the recently defunct Strikeforce, but that's about it.

The average fan doesn't give a thought to other organizations such as Invicta, and even more rarely female fighters such as Michelle Waterson or Holly Holm. But the Holy Grail that isn't but a whisper are the early days. I'm talking the tournament style fights that occurred long before Dana White got involved, and actually had UFC banned in many places, and had the far east fall in love with Pancrase . Styles where fighters would gather, and then have multiple fights in a night where they would climb the ranks to be the ultimate bad ass in the land. We're not talking some 5 minute round, where the ref would stand you up if he didn't like what he was seeing after a few seconds. We're talking knock down, drag out, 30 non-stop minutes of beating your opponent senseless. Back when men like Royce Gracie, Dan Severn, Ken Shamrock, and Tank Abbott ruled the cage.

You have the great Gracie family who have not only shown that size isn't always a factor in a fight, but have given the world what it knows as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Dan Severn who would tie his opponents up like a pretzel and ended his career recently with over 100 wins to his name. Now you're probably looking at the other names and thinking to yourself, "What the hell is he smoking?" So I'll start with Ken Shamrock. Yes, he's an obnoxious ass who needs to get away from the sport. However, if you take a look at his early career, his prime if you will, he was a great fighter. He racked up wins and was a submission machine. Up until his first retirement, he was a top fighter. I had a discussion with a friend the other day about Tank Abbott, who made a valid point. Tanks career is similar to Shamrocks in that he started off as a man to be feared. While his record was never spectacular, he was a man that would win or lose in spectacular fashion, and almost never allowed a fight to be left in the hands of the judges. Win or lose, someone was getting knocked out, or choked out, end of story. And this kept pace until his first retirement as well.

Retirement is where Shamrock and Abbott are virtual mirror images. Both went to "pro wrestling" organizations for brief runs. And then both returned to the world of MMA to pretty much trash their records, and look more like street thugs than fighters. Both talk an incredible amount of crap, which doesn't work well since they don't win often. And neither one of them seems to believe that they have nothing left in them. The only reason they get fights is so small organizations can put a name on the marque to generate a little more money.  Which is sad. Apparently some managers think they'll be able to recreate the Rocky movies with an old MMA fighter.

My point is this, while these are fighters that have either had good endings to their careers or crap, they were pioneers that rarely get credit. For MMA they are the Babe Ruth, Roger Staubach, Wayne Gretzky, Muhammad Ali, Arnold Palmer, and Hulk Hogan. Fans need to look at the history of the sport, commentators and practitioners need to teach the history when they can, and owners should make it a point to remind people of the fighters that made today’s sports possible. I love Mir, Nelson, and many of today's other fighters. But lets not forget the days of old either. Tribute is due. And knowledge brings more enjoyment, and pride to the sport.

Laundry the hard way

The curve balls life throws can be funny sometimes. So our washer went out. Total bummer. But at least we have alternatives as to how we can wash our clothes. Funny how we always take things for granted until they crap out on us. Oh well. But it brought back memories of boot camp.

Good ol MCRD San Diego made sure we wouldn't forget laundry day. Just another example of how Marines are different from others. For laundry day we would go behind our barracks where we had huge concrete slabs with water faucets spread out every few feet. Just like you'd hook a garden hose up to. And it was COLD. Which was one of the few refreshing points of going to boot camp in the summer time, yet I digress. So what would happen is that we'd put some laundry detergent into our individual canteen cups, and fill it with water so we'd have our soapy water. We'd proceed to soak our clothes. Then we'd take a scrub brush (scuz brush in Marine lingo), dip it into the soapy water, and then scrub the muck, crap, and whatever unholy crap we had gotten on our cammies that week, out of our clothes. Once that was done, we'd hose them off with the fresh water from the faucets again to get the soap out. Finally, we'd wring out all the water we could, and hang our clothes, in an orderly and proficient manner, hang our clothes on old fashioned clothes lines to dry. Trousers in one area, shirts in another, again with socks, and underwear.

And then, the next morning, dry or not we got our clothes off the lines, feld up, and stowed away in our foot lockers. It made it easy to figure out why military footlockers always smell like mildew. Yes, mystery solved. Keep it in mind next time you're at a legit military surplus store that sells used gear.

Scuz Brush

Foot Locker that may or may not stay in one piece

Laundry Day Circa WWII. It obviously hadn't changed much by the time I got there in 2000.

Pizza by the Balls

This one's a shorty. So a few weeks back I came across a post on Facebook that looked delicious. So I shared it, and gave it a try. It was a hit! It was devoured so fast everyone was disappointed they couldn't have more. So for those that don't follow me, I'll share it here complete with the picture that came with it. Try it, do a variation, we're talking pizza here man! We had it as shown and with Canadian bacon. I'm thinking a fire Hawaiian may be needed in the near future. I don't know who came up with this recipe, but kudos to whoever it was.

PIZZA BALLS 
3 cans Pillsbury Buttermilk Biscuits (10 per can), 
56 pepperoni slices, 
block of Colby cheese, 
1 beaten egg,
Parmesan, Italian seasoning, Garlic powder,
1 jar pizza sauce

Cut the block of cheese into 28 squares.
Flatten a biscuit out and stack pepperoni and cheese on top.
Gather up the edges of the biscuit.
Line up the rolls in a greased 9x13 in pan.
Brush with beaten egg.
Sprinkle with parmesan,
Italian seasoning and garlic powder.
Bake at 425°F for 18-20 minutes.

Use the pizza sauce for dipping

It's a game, not a dating site.

Games. It happens a lot with guys, and I with some women too. I find it annoying as hell. So here I am, I have my lovely smartphone in hand, and I'm looking to kill some time. So I do what so many others do, and I pull up a game on my phone. Doesn't matter what it is, a scrabble like game, mini golf, dice, or name that tune, I always run into the same problem. You send out an invite to start a game with a random person, and if you're the same sex you get declined almost every time! It makes it hard to find a good game. To make matters worse, you get some moron who wants to ask age, if you're married, etc. What the french toast! It's a friggin game, not a damn dating service!

So briefly I tried an experiment on one of them. I put up a random pic that doesn't show a person. It was obvious people didn't look at my screen name. Instead not only was the game accepted, but I'm getting in game messages asking if I'm a girl, where I am, how old I am, if I'm seeing anyone. Yeah, YOU ARE SOME DUMBASSES! And what makes it worse is that it's not all school kids, it's grown adults doing this! As soon as I changed my pic to show who I really am, it came to a screeching halt, and again I'm in exile with most men. Which isn't all bad, because at least when I do get a game going, I know it's someone like me that actually wants to play the game. 

This is where good parenting comes in and parents limit, screen, and spot check what they allow their kids access too. Some of these deviants are down right disgusting. Yes, that includes women. Seriously, you're not going to get a date from playing a game. Do these people really think they're going to find love in a round or words with friends or draw something? Just because I played word feud with you, does not mean I want to marry you. In all honesty, you're lucky if I even respond to a message outside of "good game" or "rematch". 

A lot of people are complaining that they can't find love. Here's why. IT'S NOT IN A VIDEO GAME! Unplug for a while, get a job, move out of your parents basement, and learn how to talk to real live people. Oh crap, what a concept! Talking. It's not a new invention, it's just one that seems to be lost in the gibberish of text talk and playing Wii instead of actual basketball. 

Crap Gifts

A couple of days ago I got a crap gift. We all get crap gifts at some point, but this is one I almost took personally. The other day, one of our transporters come in and says, "Hey, I hear you like cigars. I brought you one of mine to try." Keep in mind he's dead serious. He then proceeds to hand me a cheap gas station monstrosity with what I like to call, a bitch cap. It's that plastic piece at the end. You almost got to see what this little thing looks like once stuck into one of the dog turds in my backyard.

At first I wanted to laugh and say, "What the heck is that?" And I told him what I prefer to smoke. Names like Gurkha, and Vegas were quickly lost on him and I knew I was talking to a novice. But then when I mentioned basics like Churchill, or Torpedo, and the deer in the headlights look told me he's not just a novice, but totally ignorant in the world of cigars. Keep in mind I do try to keep things in layman's terms here.

So I took this as a reminder that sometimes, people do give us things with the best of intentions, and just don't realize what they are doing. They're not necessarily the village idiot, though they may be. They're just uneducated. In this case, I believe a bit of both came into play. Still, now I need to decide what to do with this POS that some would call a cigar. You may end up seeing a pic of it stuck in a dug turd yet. I'm open to suggestions!