Family, Milage, and Experiences

The past couple weeks have worn me down a bit. And put a lot of milage on my car! Last weekend, the family and I loaded up and drove up to Farmington, NM. Family, and church. We actually ended up going a bit further north, with a stop in Durango, CO. That was very nice. And finished off with a run out to Navajo Lake State Park. 

I hadn't been that way in a long time. In Durango, it was also my first time at the Bar D Chuckwagon. Now I was already familiar with them and had heard some of their music from CD's that other friends and family had in the past. My son has been up there before with his grandparents. So it was indeed a treat. If you're not familiar with them, let me share a bit about it. The Bar D is an experience. You drive up into the mountains, park, and then you make your way up the hill and it suddenly opens into this little ranch with shops, a playground for the kids, a train ride, and then some. When dinner time comes, the signal for everyone to come to the dining area, which is outside. They do have a canopy that can be closed for inclement weather. Then they have everyone get in line by table and send you through the food line. Beef or chicken, with beans, and basically a ranch/cowboy affair. The food is really good. Afterwards, the Bar D Wranglers go up, and entertain you. And I mean entertain. They play music first and foremost, but they also joke, tell stories, call out people's birthdays, family reunions, and whatever else they're aware of. It's a really good time. Afterwards the shops are open a little longer, and you can meet and greet the band. So truly a highlight of the trip. 

Of course, I love checking Veteran Memorials. Imagine that. So, we headed over to the All Veterans Memorial Plaza in Farmington. It's a great park, I've been to several times. However, it was high on my to-do list this time because I missed out on a huge event there last year. The Woody Williams Foundation added a wonderful piece to it honoring the sacrifice of not only fallen warriors, but their families as well. It truly honors the loss while bringing home the fact that their families have to deal with the struggle as well. My mom got a little misty eyed out there. 

While at church on Sunday, it was a nice surprise to run into a friend working there I hadn't seen since Covid started as well. We had gone to seminary together. He's working at that church now! It was good to see him and catch-up face to face. 

There were other things, however I'm not sharing about them here. We came home, and it was brief for me. As I then turned around to head back on the road for Las Cruces and Mesilla, NM. Now, while it's been a short time since I was last in the Farmington and Four Corners area, it's been YEARS since I was last in Las Cruces and Mesilla. Just driving past the university was incredible to see how much has changed since I was last there. I must say, construction aside, it looks good. Plus sharing in fellowship with fellow Veterans and talking about God is always a good thing in my book. Smiles all around. I was gifted with a new challenge coin for my collection as well. That was a nice treat from the Marine Corps League Detachment that hosted the event for us. Now, I get to stay home for a couple days before I go back to work on Wednesday to start gearing up for the new school year. 

Puppy Love

 Puppy Love

    Well, a few months ago our beloved Mary passed away. At the gentle age of 12, she lived a good dog's life. Man, I miss her. 

    Then a few weeks ago a friend contacted me with a dilemma, her girlfriend from nursing school had the place she'd been renting for years sold out from under her and the new owner was forcing her to leave! Insane right?! Well, fortunately she found a place for her and her kids to move into with one caveat. She could only have one dog. They had two. To make matters worse, they've had both since they were pups! What's a family to do? 

    Well, being a dogless house we were already fixing to adopt a new fur baby. So the timing was perfect! Thank the Lord! And I offered to take in their oldest. A 12-year-old, sweet dog named Rosie! You couldn't have asked for a more perfect connection! Everyone's in love with her! She loves to travel. And being an older dog, she's not a runner and doesn't need really long walks! Which is great since we live in a desert and it's heating up!  

    I didn't want to leave her original family in total heartbreak. My eyeballs almost started sweating when we had the turnover. It was rough, no pun intended. Okay, a little intended. So, my wife and I agreed that they could see Rosie at any time. And we send them pictures regularly. Our family has gotten a little bigger. And we're glad we can spoil this old pup for whatever time we have with her!

Music to My Ears.

Years ago I learned how to play music. Not as much by choice but because the school I went to required two years. The first year everyone picked up the recorder. Typical. The next year however, everyone had to pick an instrument. Keep in mind I commuted to school from the next town over. So by the time I arrived to try picking out my instrument, many had already been filled up. Percussion? Filled. Trumpet? Filled. Sax? Filled. I ended up with a flute. Yes, my first instrument was the piece of metal that was given new life as a dirty joke. At the time I thought it was a joke too.Fast forward a few years, and I not only learned to appreciate it, but loved it. I played right into my Junior High days. Then change was about to happen.

Teenage angst was setting in. The bad director I had was a... well 30 years later and I still can't find a word to describe my disdain. Not only did I get the flute jokes from other band members, and the student body, but was belittled by this toxic life form for the same thing. I no longer wanted to play. I kept my flute at home and made a change. I finally went to the percussion section. Xylophone, tympani, bells, cymbals, etc. You put me behind them, and I wasn't going to just play them. I was going to beat them! My anger and frustration went into whatever I was going to be playing for a given song. And he hated it.

Enter my dad. He played guitar since he was a kid, and picked up piano/ keyboards along the way by ear. He'd played with many a band, and had tried to teach me some guitar, but I didn't want it at the time. So he did the next best thing, and bought me a drum kit. At this point I didn't like playing in front of people much because of said band director. I'd mess around sometimes with friends. My pleasure was much more in the confines of home though. I'd crank the stereo, or put on my headphones, and would kick that kit for all I was worth in high school.

Then of course life happened. I went to a military school, enlisted in the Marine Corps, had a child, and on and on. When I finally came home to the US. My beloved flute was long gone, lost amongst my parents moving. My drums were destroyed by a bad roommate of my future stepdad's when my folks split. The only music in my life was the radio, cd's, and old cassettes. I accepted it for years. I tried getting into the whole guitar hero thing with my kids. And while the drums were good "FOR A GAME". They weren't the real thing. I had a hole begging to be filled.

The day finally came to fill that hole. I'd been looking around some local music stores. One day, my dad was in town and asked me if I could get any instrument there, which one would I choose? Thinking is was a hypothetical question I answered honestly and showed him the bass guitar I'd had my eye on. I don't know what it was, but I was just drawn to her. He bought her on the spot along with an amp. My jaw dropped!

The day I brought Ol' Blue home.

My journey back into music was rekindled. My ex thought I was wasting my time. So I'd spend what time I could back in the bedroom (sexy I know) getting to know my new found love. Not long after I had started to get to know her, tragedy struck. My dad died unexpectedly. I couldn't even look at Ol' Blue without wanting to cry. So she was put away for a couple years. Once in a while I'd try, but couldn't. Finally, enough time went by and I not only could bring her out of her confinement, but I started getting to know her all over again. Just a little at a time. It was like I was able to spend time with my dad.

Fast forward a little bit, and the church was looking for a bassist. I didn't say anything at first. And then a friend, who knew I played a little, told the music director. I explained I was just learning and didn't think I'd be up to par. Really it was because after all those years, I was still that kid that didn't want to play for people anymore. But after some discussion I went out, and a couple weeks later found myself stepping into a band again. It was different this time. I wasn't playing for people, I was serving the Lord! While it wasn't exactly my style of music, that didn't matter anymore. The game had changed!

The Artist hanging out on stage.

A a rapid rate I found myself starting on just mid-week service, to playing mid-week and all Sunday services as well. It was exciting. And then it got more exciting. Mid-week service went away during the summer do to so many things happening in the church and there not being prep-time. But when they came back, we found ourselves doing an acoustic night, since our keys man was leading the Youth service now. So I found myself an acoustic/electric bass to go with the sound. She's gotten a lot of praise. And then another change had taken its toll as well.

My violin bass Happy Camper.

 I'd sustained a back injury at work and needed something a little lighter than Ol' Blue. Enter Happy Camper. And just like any other instrument, they each have their own personality and sound. I've found myself switching out between the three, depending on what day it is, what we're playing, or just plain how I'm feeling.

That hole has been filled. I have music in it's rawest form back in my life. And when I'm down, it really helps. It transcends just listening. I hear it, feel it, clear my head, spend time with loved ones past, and most importantly learn. Whether it's a technique, and adjustment to a song, or a riff that's in my head, I'm a student of music. I enjoy playing again. Not only am I part of a band of people I respect, I'm part of the greatest band on earth. God's band. You'll find them in your local church, with varying styles of play and worship.

Now you're probably asking what the point is. And there is one. This has just been a part of my journey. NEVER LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR MUSIC. You may not find it again. Your music may be literal, or something else entirely. But it's a part of you. You can take breaks if need be. But don't lose it. Ever.

Serving with the Lords blessings upon me.

Life and Career Changes Part One

What's this? My last blog entries were New Years and 1/2 of 2015!?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me? No it's true. Holy cow does time fly when you're getting life back on track. And boy has it been a ride!

So this will be the update entry? Boooorrriiinng!It's an easy re-cap. Went back to school, and made a career change. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Yes! I left the world of the criminal justice system in the review mirror, and started working in health care. What an oxymoron of a name. Are their great people that care? Absolutely! But then they're leashed by greedy corporations, spineless administrators, and ignorant doctors (No real world smarts for many. Just what they've been spoon fed in their agenda pushing schools.) I'll say it here! Many, not all, doctor's are some of the dumbest smart people you'll ever meet! Get a nurse practitioner, you'll be better off. Nurses save lives, not doctors!

However, I have found the world of Hospice to be a true calling. Funny how even in a new career field I found myself dealing with death on the daily again. Now for some it's a scary place where people are dying. Not always the case! Many people do come improve and come off of hospice care. For some, it's just a way to get better funding from the insurance powers that be, to provide better care for people. That is the bottom line right? Get the best possible care? Sadly though, most don't come off of it. But the relationships you develop with both the patients and their families are amazing.

In just providing care in this area, I found something I'd been missing for years. The work that I was doing MADE A DIFFERENCE! The people I've formed relationships with and have cared for have given me a gift beyond anything you'd get elsewhere. A fresh breath of life. They've shared advise, past experiences, regrets, triumph's, failures, and even first love! While some have feared the end of life as we know it, and what's beyond that veil. Other's have embraced it, and let everyone around them know that they love them and will see them again when they go home.

I've seen things in my life that have given me chills. Nothing has gotten to me more than those who have said, "I'm going to die in 3 days." And then it happens! It's crazy! And for me it's re-affirmation of life after death. It's also drawn me closer to my ministry work.

Today it started raining

Today it started raining, 

it would have been my dad's birthday. 

It's as if angels are crying, 

as I keep my own tears at bay.

Today it started raining, 

after such a bright start. 

It was his beginning, 

and it holds true even though we are apart.

Today it started raining, 

and I can't help but feel it's just for me. 

While my emotions are draining, 

I know together we will one day be.

Happy Birthday, 

I miss you Dad. 

Today it started raining.

Extra Time

Well the holidays are upon us. The home stretch of the year, that puts a hurt on everyone's wallets. And as the saying holds, only in America do we have a holiday to reflect on what you're grateful for, only to have an event the next day that promotes trampling others for the stuff you don't have. So last week I got to enjoy a rare treat in the holiday spirit. I got to go have a Thanksgiving lunch with my youngest.

I did it last year too, and even though it's nothing flashy, it still holds an amazing feeling around it. Here in our area, the elementary schools have an annual Thanksgiving lunch. And the parents get to go sit down with their kiddos. So I got to have a little time with my boy, that I normally wouldn't have. And that in itself is something to grateful for.

We all meet up at our kiddos classrooms, then get in line with them. And the food is actually pretty decent. Some of it is a bit salty for my taste, but still pretty decent. Turkey (a bit of white and dark meat), stuffing, green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, a wheat dinner roll, pumpkin spiced cake, cranberry sauce, and a choice of milk (white, chocolate, or strawberry).

So in a month where so many say I'm thankful for this, and that, with some BS daily little thing to say they're grateful for the month. I'm grateful for my family, and the extra time I get to spend with them as it comes. And not just today, but everyday of the year.

And on a final note... SCREW BLACK FRIDAY!

Thoughts about nothing and everything.

Hey all! Here's a totally random thought that passed through my head earlier. Just one of those things that's something, and nothing all at the same time. Something the parents can relate to for sure. So here goes my 5 seconds on Seinfeld blabbing.

Why is it such a complex thing to go to the bathroom? You're just going in and dropping off. That's it. If you have kids it takes a while because you can't even finish dropping your trousers without out someone knocking, yelling through the door for you, of just plain walking in. So it's like a 5-10 minute race to get out, but enjoy some peace at the same time. But it doesn't end there. You get all the kids off too school, and have the house to yourself for a few minutes. You go in, you take your time and realize you just had a 5 minute race against yourself because you were still braced for someone to come ruin those few minutes of solitude.

Oh well. Take what peace you have and enjoy it anyways.

A Dirty Snack

Now sometimes in life you do something you think is a good idea. In retrospect it turns out it probably wasn't the best thing you could have done but a deal is a deal. And this blog is the genius of my brother +Shane. Granted, it's not his worst, and trust me we've shared some down right horrible ideas over the years. But I'm afraid of no subject, so our subject is..... corn poop.

Oh crap, you read that right people. Corn poop.

Now corn brings a lot of happiness. Corn on the cob, off the cob, grilled, steamed, boiled, buttered, salted, peppered, powdered with other flavors, mixed with other veggies, and let's not forget my personal favorite, popcorn. It's a staple of meals, especially during special events or holidays. Many a tailgate party has had corn on the side. And there are many a campsite where you'll find left over cobs from the golden goodness that is corn. We even use is to feed the chickens that will soon be our dinner. But after all that's said and done, we're all familiar with the after affect that is corn poop.

It comes in many forms. The brown loaf of death, dotted throughout with yellow kernel's that are only slightly dimmer coming out than they were going in. Then there's those days that are just a little looser, where you blast it out as if your colon were a shotgun. But there's no gold in those hills. Not even fools gold. Sadly it's not even chocolate in a gold colored wrapper. Nope, it's just an Easter egg for your porcelain thrown.

And regardless of what you read while you're in the library, or what level you made it to playing games on your phone. You'll forever be lured to the site that is.... corn poop.

Thanks for the shitty idea Shane.

Team Not Individuals

Alright boys and girls, time for my triumphant return. Sound the horns, because not only am I back, I'm pissed. Why? Because not only do some people not need kids, but they need to keep their mouths shut about good discipline and order. Stand-by folks, the shit is hitting the fan.

So my lovely wife forwarded a news article on to me. (I'll attach a link at the bottom) Basically the community in a Utah town are raising Kane because a football coach made a decision to suspend his entire team for being jerks. According to the article all 80 players have been benched, are being tasked with community service, and are having to earn the right to play. This is because of his players cyber bullying, cutting classes, and being disrespectful to teachers.

That's right, the community is pissed that the coach is instilling discipline, and character into this team. To the coach I say, OUTSTANDING! To the parents of the players I say, "Shame on you." To the community that's crying I say, "You should be ashamed of yourselves." More and more parents are letting their kids have free reign. We have a generation of selfish, and ignorant cowards heading into the world with a sense of entitlement. No, I'm not talking about politicians.

#1 The parents obviously have failed to instill discipline into these kids, that's part of what sportsmanship is.
#2 Respect isn't just a standard on the field of battle, it's a standard in life. These kids obviously need to learn that.
#3 It's a team. Everyone works together. If one person fails to do what they're supposed to, the team fails to accomplish their mission.

It's called a TEAM, not a group of individuals, which so many people seem to have forgotten. This coach is teaching these kids what the adults have forgotten, teamwork, team ethics, character, discipline, and he's doing through action. Words are nothing without action. These kids have had enough words. They're old enough to know right from wrong. If they're not held accountable for their actions as this point in their life, then they're being setup for failure later on in life. And if they're set up for failure, whose to blame? The community will blame the parents, which is where they should be looking now instead of crucifying the coach. The community is to blame because they're not holding the bar and doing their part to ensure that kids are being taught right by being held accountable for their actions.

Here's the thing. I've seen way to many cases of parents being allowed to drop the ball. The news reminds us all the time. Kids are being conditioned to call the police, or claim they're being abused if a parent punishes them. What's worse is parents are giving up, and just letting their kids run wild because they're afraid of having to face the court for doing what they should as parents. But at the same time they don't want to see anyone else discipline their kids, and teach them what they as parents have failed to. Teachers and councilors bitch, moan, and complain that they have to teach kids so much these days. This is because nothing is being done! If parents would step up to the plate and do their damn job, life would be easier for everyone all around. Our kids would be better people, our educators would be able to educate instead of play referee, and our coaches could focus on sports!

You're upset because your kid wasn't involved and shouldn't have to pay? Shut the hell up, it's a team effort! They're not being kicked off the team, they're working to pick up the weaker players and actually build a team instead of a gang! Don't want them to be a TEAM player? Give them a gameboy instead.

This coach is going against the norm, by doing what everyone should. He's doing the right thing, for the right reasons, and looking out for the future of these kids. If you don't understand it, you need to step back and look at the big picture.


http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/09/26/utah-high-school-football-coach-suspends-entire-team-cutting-classes-cyberbullying

Life: Relationships at Work

We go through many transitions in life. One that most of us see is in how friendships change as we change jobs. I'm starting one of those transitions right now.

There are a couple of ways in which this happens. One, you become a supervisor, and as such relationship dynamics with other workers have to change in order for you to be effective at what you do. Two, you leave your work place and begin work some place new. I've had experience in both areas. At the moment, the later is the one I'm transitioning with.

NM OMI, our new building we moved into October 2010

I've been at my current position at the New Mexico Office of the Medical Examiner for a number of years. I've seen people come and go, and have forged good relations with many of my co-workers. Those who have been here for a long period of time, and in some cases longer than me, aren't just co-workers, but are my work family. We've seen highs and lows together, joked around, and worked hard together. We have special dynamics in which we don't even have to talk sometimes. Instead we know simply by a nod, gesture, look, or where we're at in our work what each other needs next. Things are so smoothed out that we get things done quickly, and properly with little need to ask questions. Plus there's a certain comfort in coming in, and on a given day, seeing whose there and knowing what kind of day you'll have.

My time here is winding down though. This is my last week here, with Sunday being my last working day. While some of the relationships I've forged I know will continue into the future, others will undoubtedly come to an end. Not because we want it too, but rather because that's life. We'll think of each other from time to time, but that's where the buck with stop. So while I'll miss my family here at the OMI, I look forward to the new one I'll find waiting at my new position with T-Mobile Tech Support.

Leaving is bitter-sweet. But eventually we all part ways.

Family Healing: Road Trip

Well, last weekend ended on a bad note. On the upside (always have to look for that) the family and I went to Zuni. Needed to start some healing. It was good to see some family we don't get to see very often. A quick trip, but still needed. Here's some pics. This will be a short blog entry. I'll give a little info along the way.

So the trip in was nice. These are going to Zuni along NM-53.

Next up Zuni.

That's it for this time.

Gut Check: When life kicks you in the balls.

Heartbreak comes to us all at various points in our lives. With it the aches, and questions that sometimes will remain unanswered. And emotions that run the spectrum from one end to another. My wife and I are dealing with one of life's heartbreaks now with the loss of our unborn child.

With our last child together, I kept it to myself up until just before he was born. Other than immediate family, I didn't tell anyone. Not because I wasn't happy. I was walking on top of the world. Rather, it was because I don't care for all the hen house cooing. You know, all the crap people feel obligated to say for months until your baby is born. A simple congrats is good enough. But the constant asking how are things, parenting recommendations from people who don't have kids themselves, the list goes on. For most people these are just normal day things that are treated as such. For me, it's unwanted coaching on how to take care of my family. So I kept quite. And my little man, my little angel, was born strong and healthy.

My wife and I have talked a few times about having one last child together. And a few years ago we found out she was with child again. That time I spread word high and low as fast as I could. If we were talking, I was telling you. It didn't matter if you were a co-worker or the checker at the grocery store. I told everyone. In military lingo, I was loud and proud. Then just as quickly as we found out, tragedy struck. We found our happiness with this grand news was nothing more than a fleeting moment of happiness. It was a sadness that shook our family to the core. Something that even today has left a hole in our hearts.

Recently, my wife and I spoke of trying one last time. Given the outcome last time, it was a scary thought. Scary because of going through loss again. Scary because of what she had to go through physically the last time. But we were given a spark of happiness. We found that she was pregnant. And for the past couple of months there has been a surge of joy in our home. So this time around I got superstitious. I didn't say a word because I didn't want to jinx anything. We talked about boy names, girl names, what room to put them in, etc. Life was good. But yesterday, tragedy turned it's ugly head again.

In for what should have been a routine checkup turned ugly. Ultrasounds tend to be quite for the first few minutes normally. But this time, it was quite to the point it got eerie. I'm sitting quietly next and I'm thinking, "Why aren't we listening to the heart beat by now?" Just two weeks ago things were fine. But on this day, things were changing fast. Then it came. The tech on the machine said she couldn't find the heartbeat, and she wanted to get a doctor to confirm. The doctor came in, and in couple of minutes that seemed to stretch into an eternity, she confirmed the news.

To describe the sinking feeling you have in your chest at this point is describable. It's the worst punch you'll take in the chest. But it doesn't end there. It's like you can feel a long talon fingers wrapping around your heart, squeezing it, and throwing it on the floor. Then an elephant wearing spiked heals does a Mexican hat dance on it. And that's just for the first second. Anger, sadness, pain, depression, and more charge through your veins like electricity. After a while, you just go numb. Numb to everything. Food doesn't have taste, humor isn't really that funny, and nothing makes sense.

Then on top of that, you look to your loved one (in my case my wife) and have to be their pillar of strength. I know this is my mission at this point, because no matter how bad I feel, no matter what I want to do, I have to be her strength. This is because regardless of what I'm going through, she's going through worse. She not only has the physical bond with our baby from carrying it, but the physical loss her body must go through. And with it comes a loss of mind that no man could ever know. In my mind, it's worse than not being able to have a child because it's there and then torn away.

There's some solace to be had. Friends that remind me of things I already know. And personal beliefs. They don't take the edge off. They don't make the hurt any less. But they keep me sane. Sweet child, you brought your mom and I great happiness in your short time in our lives. And while we'll never hear you laugh or cry, our love for you is just as great as if we had.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart. ~Helen Keller

Family Time: 3 Generations and a Memory

Today was a good day. I wish my wife and older kids could have come along, but they were out of town. So it was still a good day for a few of us. Got to spend some quality time with my youngest boy, and my mom. And I created a memory. And a memory created out of quality time is always a good thing.

So what happened? I took them to see the original Ghostbusters movie. It was being shown at a local theater today. And there really is no substitute for seeing a great film like that on the big screen. Sure, you can rent it, or buy it, but you really do miss some things in translation to the home theater. Things such as the bag of Marshmallows on counter being Stay Puft, a prelude to things to come. Details of equipment, or even the characters. For instance, seeing Gozer on the big screen is much more intimidating. She doesn't just have red eyes. Her eyes are intense, and have a lot of things happening. Let alone the rest of her character. The various ghosts are amazing. Plus it's just plain fun.

Of course everyone in my family has seen the Ghostbusters. I'm not sure how many times I've replaced copies of both films. But even my kiddo was excited about it being on the big screen. Which is great in my opinion. Originally, I remember clearly my parents taking me to the drive-in theater to see it as a kid. I've loved it ever since. I remember there was a light rain, and the windows in the backseat fogged up a little bit. Then a couple years ago, my wife and I went to a late showing at the 2011 re-release and got to relive our childhood all over again. So today was my boys chance to experience it.

It's very reminiscent of my first time as well. As it was clouding up while we were at the show. And this evening, closer to the time I first saw it, it's raining lightly out. It's as if Dad is looking down and smiling. Aside from not being at a drive-in this time around, there is only one really big difference. This time I didn't eat 2 large tubs of popcorn, and throw up in the backseat on the way home. ;) Today was indeed, a good day.

Fathers Day: Dad is an Earned Title

Fathers Day. Much like any other holiday here in the U.S. it's treated as a day for BBQ's, drinking, and sporting events. Cards are exchanged, and "I love you" is uttered across the land. It's a day that's generally looked upon as saying, "thanks for being my dad."

Dad. It's a title. A title earned. Anyone can donate a sperm, and claim they are a father. But that doesn't make it so. Dad's are much more than just a piece of DNA. They are the ones that we look up to as the king of the family. Don't believe me? Ask any adopted or foster child who has calls someone dad, who isn't of their blood. A title earned. Ask the child with a step-dad, whose father ignores them, treats them as property, or has completely abandoned them. A title earned.

We change their diaper's when needed, only to get showered in pee. We kiss their knees when they fall. We hug them as they panic at a little blood from their first loose tooth. We teach them how to swim, and play games with them. We look in on our children, even as teenagers to make sure they're sleeping okay. We spend Christmas Eve with our wives, driving around to find a store for their first period. We praise them when they do well in school, and encourage them to do better when they don't do so well. We tell them stories of honor and glory from our time in service.

We teach them about respect,and to say ma'am and sir. We teach them how to shoot. We teach them old ways of doing math. We teach them about where our families come from. We teach them how to care for animals. We teach them about pride, and when it can be foolish.

As a dad, we worry that we haven't done enough. We worry that we haven't prepared them, even when they've shown we have. We worry that they'll make the same mistakes we have. We worry that they'll get hurt. We worry that they'll resent us for being too stern sometimes. We worry that they'll fail, and not want to try again. We worry about them having heartbreak. We worry that they'll forget who they are in this mixed up, crazy world.

We take pride when they learn a new trade. Pride when they take interest in something new. There's pride when they excel, and pride when they are humble. We take pride when they overcome a fear. Pride when they stand up for someone who can't stand up for themselves.

Sometimes things go just as planned. Other times close, but not quite. Then there are times that everything goes wrong, but right at the same time. And there are days when you fall flat.

While this is supposed to be a day we thank our fathers, it's a bitter sweet day for me. To my step-dad Elbert. You came along late in my life, but thank you none the less. You do a lot with little acknowledgement, and are appreciated more than you know. To my dad David, you made your mistakes like anyone else. But under it all you were a good person, and I miss you. Our time together here on earth was cut too short. I love you both.

And thank you to my kids. Without you I wouldn't be a dad, as stressed out, or as whole as I am today. I love you all.

And thank you to my lovely wife, whose sacrificed a lot to bring them into the world, and help me be a better person and dad. I love you.

Meaning of Memorial Day

Memorial Day. It's an annual holiday which honors those whose paid the ultimate price for our country, and the many freedoms we have. Originally it was to honor the deceased troops of the Civil War, but quickly spread to honor all of the fallen. Unlike Veterans Day, it is only to honor the dead. Something that many people have forgotten, or take for granted and instead look towards family gatherings, an extra day off of work, and BBQ's. But many others still recognize it as well. And it truly holds a different meaning for the average civilian when compared to service members, and their families.

As of this morning, many people started enjoying parades, stalking up for various festivities, cleaning up the boat, and then some. For many of these people, Memorial Day doesn't hold much meaning. It's not a shot at them, but they just don't know anything else because they've never been directly impacted by this day of remembrance. They might know on an academic level what it represents, but beyond that there is nothing. 

Then you have those who have been touched in some way. Perhaps it's by a friend lost, or hurt in service. Possibly a veteran they met while volunteering at a retirement home, or helped at a shelter. Whatever the circumstance, they know that this is a day that represents a bigger picture than they realize. They go out to homes, and churches to help those veterans to pay their respects to fallen comrades. They go out to graveyards, clean them up, place flags, and possibly help others find the markers of the fallen warriors they're looking for. And yet others even go beyond that and do what they can to ensure that none of the graves are disturbed or vandalized.

You have the families of our warriors. They spend countless hours wondering if their fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, uncles, cousins, husbands, and wives are alright. They worry about them even when out training. They worry when they are out at their daily jobs. Then they worry when they are deployed. Seeing and hearing the news of an accident, ambush, or attack and wondering if their loved one will be next, while seeing their neighbor get the news that someone will not be coming home to them ever again. To the Memorial Day represents their lost loved ones, lost friends, and their loved ones family away from home.

Ultimately you have service members. The men and women who raised their hand, swore an oath, and signed a blank check up to and including their very life. Memorial Day has a special meaning. We remember those who came before us. We remember those we called brother and sister, who have been called for duty by our Commander-in-Chief in the sky. For some it's a hard day, because to a point we feel that we are having it crammed down our throats that we've lost a part of our family. For others it's a good reminder that we have life to live for them and to make it count. We reflect on our fights, as much as we do our accomplishments. While some of us will let our eyeballs sweat, others will drown their sorrow in something else. But ultimately, we remember. We remember because for us Memorial Day isn't a holiday. It isn't a news report. It isn't a parade, or a BBQ. It's a face, a voice, a friend, a family member, a part of ourselves.

To those who have fallen, thank you. You are not forgotten. Semper Fidelis.

Mother's Day

So today is a reminder to all the mommies, that at one point, they put out, and a few long months later, we all ripped through their vagina like a high school football team through a paper banner. Yup, I went there.

In my case it's probably more of a a mixed bag of, "that's my boy," "bastard destroyed my body," and "I knew I should have swallowed." I've been that big of a pain her butt over the years, and have no intention of letting up. (Just my way of saying I love you +LoisAnn Brock.)

Then of course, there's the I love you and congrats we all give to our significant others who we sacrifice on the alter of pain. As if we didn't have enough on our plate, I stuck a seed of slow death in my lovely wife as well. And in a fraction of the time it's taken me with my own mom, I've been a burning pain in her butt as well. She's been ready to smash my head clear out my butt with a frying pan on more than one occasion. (Just my way of saying I love you +Erica Rominger.)

So, Happy Mother's Day. And no, I still won't apologize for what happened to your vagina's.

Sensory overload. Time to unplug.

I recently took on a mission. I'm looking to unplug a bit. Not get completely away from the web mind you, but release it some. Ease my grip from the desire to be plugged into the ongoings of everything a bit, and get back to basics. It seems more and more that we as a society are plugged into everything. I'll use myself for an example, as I have become typical in this respect. This probably rings true for you too. At least in some respect.

I almost always have a computer running around me. If I'm not on a computer, then odds are good that I have my smartphone in hand and something going with it. And even if I'm somewhat broken away from it, I'm on my Xbox, playing a multiplayer game, complete with my mic dangling from my head. Everything is plugged in.

And while it does provide a lot of convenience, it has also become a bit of a crutch. A simple conversation, I'm still doing something on a computer or my phone. Dinner with the family, my phone is in my free hand. TV is off so I can sleep, phone is back in hand. Taking my son to school, hold on a moment while I put in my earplugs so I don't miss anything on the way. Bathroom... fortunately I refrain from stupid duck face and other bathroom pics, but yes, there's a good chance I'm playing games or texting in there like everyone else.

Sensory overload.

I'm sitting here and I'm thinking to myself. When was the last time I enjoyed some time with my wife without looking down at some screen? When was the last time I truly just sat and enjoyed the scenery without looking a a little glowing screen? When was the last time I sat down to eat without reading posts, or something else for dinner? When was the last time I sat down and had a conversation outside of work where my attention was on nothing but the conversation?

So I've decided to unplug some. It's time to go back to a basic phone. It's time to get an mp3 player that's not constantly connected to the web. It's time to get back to enjoying scenery. It's time to be sitting down for a conversation and giving that person 100% of my attention.

So to do this, I'm forcing myself to break some habits, and form new ones.

1) Turn off the cable. Check. We did this a couple years ago, and it's been a wonderful change. I wish we had done it sooner.

2) Limit time on the computer. Hard, but doable.

3) Cut the smartphone, and go back to a basic phone. Very hard. But I do have my computer for most things that are on it. Aside from a few games which can be forgotten, or played on a tablet during computer time, the thing that's hardest for me is my music. Which brings us to 4.

4) Get an mp3 player. I love my music, it's a crutch that has always been with me. Listening to my parents record player when I was little. Basically taking over their first walkman and making it my own so I could listen to the radio and tapes as I went to sleep. (I probably listened to the Cars, and the Grass Roots more than anyone on the planet because of this). Even those goofy radio earphones in the 80's were part of my collection. And with the exception of USMC Boot Camp, I have always had a walkman of some sort with me. Everywhere I've been, music has been there.

5) Get out more. Time for walks or just finding more to do outside.

So the most critical part here, at least to me, is finding a music player that I can be happy with. Something that will hold a ton of music without me having to constantly re-sync with a computer. 2 GB probably seems like a lot to most people, but for someone of my tastes, it's a joke. I have well over 25 GB in the cloud alone, without looking at my CD collection. And my taste from now to 10 minutes from now can change in a rabbits heart beat.

In addition, I want something that will last. Not some cheap POS that will die after a 3 foot drop from my desk. Something that can handle the occasional drop without issue. And will last me for a while. From what I've been reading though, mp3 players have become cheap and disposable since most people rely on their phones for this entertainment now. As much as I despise Apple (I'm a Linux user that goes to Windows as needed) I find myself leaning more towards getting a dreaded iPod. It's not to say that it's the end of the world. But I'd rather not.

So my mission continues. If anything this rings a bell for you, you might look at making some changes too. What do you use as an mp3 player? Would you recommend it? How do you unplug from an increasingly plugged in world? ESCAPE THE MATRIX!