Thoughts on my mind.

Had a moment tonight I was missing my brothers and sisters in arms back in the USMC. Specifically the ones I served with in Okinawa, Japan. And then this thought wandered into my mind.

The life of a drinky girl must be hard. They're kinda like that first slice of bread in the loaf. Everyone has touched them, but nobody really wants them. And those who say they love them, are usually not in their right mind.

Andy, I really hope you're puking over the thought of a banana right now.

The Workers Guide to Sanity: Ode of Blue Falcon

Work is a four letter word. It will drive you bonkers quite literally if you're not careful. Personally, I don't like work. I like having a job or a career, but not work. And yes, there is a difference between a job and work. I'll break it down for you here.

Work is not something you enjoy. You don't have to hate it, but most people who "work" dread it. Bascally, it's what you do to pay the bills. It can have a negative impact on your health, or even your attitude. Quite frankly, work makes you hate life. A job (or career) on the other hand, is something that not only pays the bills, but is something you like doing. And lets face it, we all can tell the people who actually like their jobs, from those who are merely showing up for work. Two sides of the same coin. Good versus bad, light against dark, employee of the month in contrast to the idiot you want to throttle.

So this blog entry, in a way, is related to a previous post in which I spoke about life changes, and knowing when to change what you do for a living. I'm currently going into my final stretch before I start a new position I accepted elsewhere. Not because I don't like what I do, or where I'm at, but rather because I need to make some positive changes in my life and put some of my education to work for me so I can provide an even better life for my family. However, while I'm not going to bag on the employer I'm leaving, I will address something that I know everyone can relate to. Trust in the workplace and keeping some sense of sanity.

Step #1 to keeping your sanity at work, don't completely trust anyone. Now, being a Marine Corps and law enforcement veteran, I'm not talking about don't trust anyone at all. There are plenty of places where yes, you have to be able to trust anyone you're working with, with your life. However, outside of those moments you'll find co-workers just as willing to push you off the side of a cliff to further their career as anywhere else. So know you're boundaries.

Step #2, don't take it personally. If you take it personally it will impact how you view your workplace. Everyone wants to get ahead. And we all have different ways of doing it. Unfortunately, some people have no personal ethics when it comes to trying to throw others under the bus.

Step #3, your boss is not your friend. Regardless of what kind of relationship you have with your boss, if they are a leader and not a "boss" it won't matter if you're related to them, they will put the business first. Sometimes that will leave you with the short end of rope. It they're a boss and not a leader, they'll hose you quickly in order to make themselves look good, or position someone else where they want them.

Step #4 a good co-worker is a friend, and ultimately family away from home. These are people you can talk to without worry, will work with you, and can be counted on to catch a drink or bite to eat with from time to time outside of work. Maybe even a BBQ or ball game. If you can't relate to someone like that, don't let your guard down even a little.

Step #5 don't trust the big mouth. Every workplace has them. Those who talk at length about everything, and everyone. And those who try to be in everyone's business. If they're willing to run their soup cooler about someone else's private business, they'll do the same about yours.

Step #6, if it's written, don't delete it. Keep archives just in case.

Step #7, if your a supervisor, make it clear that you are. Don't try to be everyone's friend. A real friend will understand and back you up. Everyone else will respect you for it. Be a leader, not a boss.

Trust in the workplace is critical. Just as it's critical to know where the lines are drawn. If someone violates that trust, forgive them and understand, but do not trust them again.

So here is where I'll give some back story on some events that have re-enforced these beliefs with me.

A ways back I had a co-worker, we'll call them Blue Falcon. Over time I thought I had built up some good trust with Blue Falcon. We could talk about various things, give creative criticism, and life was good. Then Blue was at a point where he knew when he was leaving our workplace for another job. He had a ton of vacation and sick time still on the books and was looking for advise on how to use it best. And we're not talking about a couple of brief conversations. We're talking well over a month of planning in advance. So I offered my suggestions on how to use his time. I also specifically said, to talk to our supervisor about it as well as they're the one who would have to approve of it. I showed Blue where our time off policies could be found. Then just before he left, he said he was going to use some time up. I said go for it. He said he might still cancel some of it and come in. I said that's cool, it's up to him. And then I reminded him to make sure he talked to our supervisor about it. Then he said it was arranged, and that there would be someone else coming to cover his shifts.

At this point, I'm thinking great, he's taken care of business. Everyday that weekend, nobody came in to relieve me for his shift. So I was stuck calling the boss so find out what was up. The boss said they'd take care of it, and left it at that. So I'm thinking maybe it's status quo and people were backing out of their over time. It happens a lot at this place.

The next week comes around, and I get called into the supervisors office. With a finger pointed at me, saying that I orchestrated the whole thing. Shock and awe in the workplace sucks. The boss had an email with fragments of a conversation cut and pasted into it. Luckly, I stand by the archive everything rule. I pulled out my phone on the spot, opened up my MONTHS worth of text back and forth, handed it over and said, "No, that's crap. This is the full length of conversations." I even offered to login to my email right then and there in front of them so that they can see the full email conversations as well, without any alteration before forwarding them. Then I threatened to walk until I had union representation. Yes, I kept my evidence intact. So the boss finally cooled off, and had to admit, they'd been played too. I found out that I had been Blue Falconed. Not only did Blue not talk to our boss as he should have, he had shoved me off the side of the cliff. Lucky for me, my bungie was already wrapped around me.

I had everything I needed to protect myself. And it worked out for me. And Blue Falcon, well I forgive him, because I know he was just looking out for himself and didn't care who he hurt. But I will not trust him.

The workplace can be a great place to hang your hat away from home. Ultimately it is not home though, so watch out so you don't become the next victim of the Blue Falcon.

Gut Check: When life kicks you in the balls.

Heartbreak comes to us all at various points in our lives. With it the aches, and questions that sometimes will remain unanswered. And emotions that run the spectrum from one end to another. My wife and I are dealing with one of life's heartbreaks now with the loss of our unborn child.

With our last child together, I kept it to myself up until just before he was born. Other than immediate family, I didn't tell anyone. Not because I wasn't happy. I was walking on top of the world. Rather, it was because I don't care for all the hen house cooing. You know, all the crap people feel obligated to say for months until your baby is born. A simple congrats is good enough. But the constant asking how are things, parenting recommendations from people who don't have kids themselves, the list goes on. For most people these are just normal day things that are treated as such. For me, it's unwanted coaching on how to take care of my family. So I kept quite. And my little man, my little angel, was born strong and healthy.

My wife and I have talked a few times about having one last child together. And a few years ago we found out she was with child again. That time I spread word high and low as fast as I could. If we were talking, I was telling you. It didn't matter if you were a co-worker or the checker at the grocery store. I told everyone. In military lingo, I was loud and proud. Then just as quickly as we found out, tragedy struck. We found our happiness with this grand news was nothing more than a fleeting moment of happiness. It was a sadness that shook our family to the core. Something that even today has left a hole in our hearts.

Recently, my wife and I spoke of trying one last time. Given the outcome last time, it was a scary thought. Scary because of going through loss again. Scary because of what she had to go through physically the last time. But we were given a spark of happiness. We found that she was pregnant. And for the past couple of months there has been a surge of joy in our home. So this time around I got superstitious. I didn't say a word because I didn't want to jinx anything. We talked about boy names, girl names, what room to put them in, etc. Life was good. But yesterday, tragedy turned it's ugly head again.

In for what should have been a routine checkup turned ugly. Ultrasounds tend to be quite for the first few minutes normally. But this time, it was quite to the point it got eerie. I'm sitting quietly next and I'm thinking, "Why aren't we listening to the heart beat by now?" Just two weeks ago things were fine. But on this day, things were changing fast. Then it came. The tech on the machine said she couldn't find the heartbeat, and she wanted to get a doctor to confirm. The doctor came in, and in couple of minutes that seemed to stretch into an eternity, she confirmed the news.

To describe the sinking feeling you have in your chest at this point is describable. It's the worst punch you'll take in the chest. But it doesn't end there. It's like you can feel a long talon fingers wrapping around your heart, squeezing it, and throwing it on the floor. Then an elephant wearing spiked heals does a Mexican hat dance on it. And that's just for the first second. Anger, sadness, pain, depression, and more charge through your veins like electricity. After a while, you just go numb. Numb to everything. Food doesn't have taste, humor isn't really that funny, and nothing makes sense.

Then on top of that, you look to your loved one (in my case my wife) and have to be their pillar of strength. I know this is my mission at this point, because no matter how bad I feel, no matter what I want to do, I have to be her strength. This is because regardless of what I'm going through, she's going through worse. She not only has the physical bond with our baby from carrying it, but the physical loss her body must go through. And with it comes a loss of mind that no man could ever know. In my mind, it's worse than not being able to have a child because it's there and then torn away.

There's some solace to be had. Friends that remind me of things I already know. And personal beliefs. They don't take the edge off. They don't make the hurt any less. But they keep me sane. Sweet child, you brought your mom and I great happiness in your short time in our lives. And while we'll never hear you laugh or cry, our love for you is just as great as if we had.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart. ~Helen Keller

Life Change: Work

Life's changes. Sometimes they're big. Sometimes they're small. Sometimes we know that change is on the horizon, other times our body tells us for a long time before it happens. And while this applies to all areas of life, one of the most important aspects is our work life.

Everyone has a different opinion of what their work like and values are based upon their experience, and personal values. For some it's the pursuit of the almighty dollar. For others it's the pursuit of a specific position down the line. Then you have the crowd that wants a job or position for the status it brings, or the perception it appears to bring. For me, it's a mixed bag. One of the big things that I look at is, "will what I do actually help people?" Born to serve after a fashion. By helping others, I'm looking at doing something that can actually make a difference for them. Money isn't that important. It just can't be minimum wage It needs to be consistent with a real cost of living for my family. Basically, anything is better than what I made in the military. And ultimately, is this a place I'll be happy with? I do some research to see how people who do, or have worked there feel about it. And I look at how the serviced community looks at it as well.

So what does this have to do with change? I'll tell you. A lot. First there's the physical. When you don't like where you are, or what you do, we have a tendency to let ourselves go. I'm not talking about just not exercising, though that fits in here as well. I'm talking health. We get sick, and just ride it out. We get migraines just thinking about work. Have you ever been so unhappy with where you are, that you throw up just pulling up to work? I have. It just makes a bad thing worse. There's nothing worse than going into a staff meeting, or even just your desk and having to make sure you have a waste basket first thing. You know, just in case Uncle Spew shows up.Then you have the mental. Everyone thinks about work at some point when they go home. It's not always a bad thing. But when you're unhappy, you get migraines, your blood pressure skyrockets, and just someone mentioning that pesky, four letter word W-O-R-K, is enough for you to scream, "Crap, what now!?!?!" Life just becomes one big turd that's snowballing down hill at this point.

So your body can be screaming, it's time for a change. Change is GOOD! Yes, that's right. For one, it takes you out of a bad environment. You get a clean slate in a new one. The problematic people that made work bad... gone. It's all new. While that in itself can instill fear, it's really a point for you to realize you have experience to bring to the table, and a fresh start to get things spinning the way you want. Life is good! Not only that, but this is the next step in your career path and will make you more marketable whether you stay at this place until retirement, or move somewhere else. You're braving a new path.

So if you're feeling like garbage all the time. Or just feel like you're in a rut, take a look at where you work. Are you really happy there? Do you like what you do? If you answered "no" to either of these questions, it's time to move on. This may seem like common sense, but in reality a lot of us are miserable out in the world. And it can often be because of what we do, or where we do it. Change is the solution. It's not as scary as it seems, just different.

Listen to your body. Listen to your heart. Listen to your mind. Do you need change?

Family Time: 3 Generations and a Memory

Today was a good day. I wish my wife and older kids could have come along, but they were out of town. So it was still a good day for a few of us. Got to spend some quality time with my youngest boy, and my mom. And I created a memory. And a memory created out of quality time is always a good thing.

So what happened? I took them to see the original Ghostbusters movie. It was being shown at a local theater today. And there really is no substitute for seeing a great film like that on the big screen. Sure, you can rent it, or buy it, but you really do miss some things in translation to the home theater. Things such as the bag of Marshmallows on counter being Stay Puft, a prelude to things to come. Details of equipment, or even the characters. For instance, seeing Gozer on the big screen is much more intimidating. She doesn't just have red eyes. Her eyes are intense, and have a lot of things happening. Let alone the rest of her character. The various ghosts are amazing. Plus it's just plain fun.

Of course everyone in my family has seen the Ghostbusters. I'm not sure how many times I've replaced copies of both films. But even my kiddo was excited about it being on the big screen. Which is great in my opinion. Originally, I remember clearly my parents taking me to the drive-in theater to see it as a kid. I've loved it ever since. I remember there was a light rain, and the windows in the backseat fogged up a little bit. Then a couple years ago, my wife and I went to a late showing at the 2011 re-release and got to relive our childhood all over again. So today was my boys chance to experience it.

It's very reminiscent of my first time as well. As it was clouding up while we were at the show. And this evening, closer to the time I first saw it, it's raining lightly out. It's as if Dad is looking down and smiling. Aside from not being at a drive-in this time around, there is only one really big difference. This time I didn't eat 2 large tubs of popcorn, and throw up in the backseat on the way home. ;) Today was indeed, a good day.

A Writer That's Not A Writer

Writing. Seems a such a funny word. Writer. Even funnier. Author. Well that's downright unthinkable most of the time. I support all writers. Those who truly are, or aspire to be. To write is a gift. Not everyone has it. Some try, and like to call themselves writers, but truly are not. To put pen to paper, and create something is truly a special kind of magic. And like all things special, not everyone can have it. That's a part of what makes it special.

For me, there could be some irony that I am the one saying this. Why? Because I'm a talker, not a writer. It's not because I choose to be. It's because if I do indeed have that special magic, I haven't learned to harness it. You see, when I sit down for my blog, I talk it out in my head as though I'm having a conversation. Sometimes that conversation is directed to someone in particular, other times I'm simply talking to myself, and yet other times I'm talking for the sake of talking. So when you read my blog, you're reading a small part of the tornado of ideas that are being thrown around in my mind.

If I applied myself a little bit, I could throw some ink across the page and it would be a short poem. But while I like some poetry, I'm not a poet. I grew up surrounded by books. In my life I've read thousands. I have ideas for stories. One is a vast universe that lives, evolves, and pulses. But I can't put it to paper. I want to. I'd love to. It's a universe I believe at least some others would like. So why can't I? As I said before, I lack the magic.

Up until I sit down to write, I have a plan. People to introduce. Places to describe. Events from great to tragic. However, once I sit down an illness sets in. Everything gets jumbled together. It's no longer coherent. What was up is now down. What was hot is now cold. What what quite and peaceful is loud and overwhelming. No matter what I do, it never comes back together until I stop and walk away. Then the haze lifts. I've tried writing small parts, cards, memos, horrid pictures that don't remotely look as they should. When I was younger it wasn't as hard. I could wave my hand at the last minute, and the rabbit would just appear. Now that I want the rabbit to appear, it appears to have disappeared.

I have not lost hope. I chalk it up as just not being the right time. The time might come an hour from now, a day, a decade, a lifetime. It may not come at all. It could be a universe that only I am to be privy to. But for now I'll wait. I'll wait, and I'll talk, I'll joke, I'll sing, and I'll sleep on it. And one day, one day I'll not only find the magic, but the ability to use it. Until then, I'll talk and share the other things in my head. I'll be a writer, that's not a writer. Life is funny that way. Wouldn't you agree?

What Exercise Should Be

There's one word that so many people hate. Even the hardcore individuals who do it, and preach it everyday. Exercise. It hurts, and isn't something we look forward too. But exercise isn't exercise when it's something you enjoy. At that point, it no longer seems like work.

I, like so many others, HATE running. I can't stress that enough. I've tried to get into it. Even when I was in the USMC I hated it. For a while I even ran twice a day during those years. That actually made me hate it even more. Briefly I enjoyed lifting weights while I attended NMMI. But it wasn't a heavily crowded gym, and I had a good friend to lift with, who was very knowledgeable. It was a rush to see my max increase. But after that, it bored me to death. And I know I'm not alone on this. However, everyone has something they enjoy.

Some love running. Some love weights. Some live for bicycles. The list goes on and on. For me it's swimming. For that matter, it's just about anything that has me completely surrounded by water. SCUBA, snorkeling, so long as I'm in the water, I'm happy. It's the one exercise that isn't exercise to me. It doesn't matter what I'm doing in it, just that I'm there. When I'm in the water, it's a whole different world. Above the water is noisy, people laughing, screaming, having fun, and the chaos of life is nearby. But under it, below crashing waves, and the splashes of divers, it's a silent and peaceful world. Much like riding my motorcycle, it's a place that lets me clear my mind, and just enjoy what nature has provided me.

But it doesn't end there for me. A pool is good, but it's not the best. Don't get me wrong, I love going to the pool too. But I like moving water. A lake, creek, or river a great. But the ocean is ultimately where it's at. Riding the waves, hovering in the water, and feeling the undertow and currents pushing me here and there. And then there's SCUBA. You can go to the same spot often, but no trip is ever the same. Strap an air tank on your back, some fins on your feet, and then you make an escape into the deep blue. The fish in the area vary, every approach on the coral is different, and sometimes you'll find a boat, or some other man made creation to explore. And sound. Sound is totally different under the sea. Crabs, and lobster clicking away, boats cruising by, bells and various things banging and clanging. To those who are land locked, these things don't seem so special. Once you're under water though, you can't tell where it's coming from. Not only that, but how close it is. You're surrounded by muffled, unique sounds, and all the chaos of the world is blocked out.

You can kick, pull, wiggle, and more. But there's nothing like that feeling in the water where you briefly get that point of weightlessness. You're in a space all your own. That's how exercise should be. It's not work. It's just an escape that helps you reset. And at the end of it, when you're all done, you'll realize just how hard you pushed yourself without knowing it. You'll know from the aches and pains. You won't curse it though. You'll welcome it, and go back for more.

Me in the East China Sea

The Man's Bike

So, when you take a look at motorcycle's, for the most part it's a man's hobby. Yes, there are some women in it, but for the most part it's just men. Most of the women that are around, are just a long for the ride. The old saying is, "A man's home is his castle." If that's true then his thrown is either the recliner in the living room, or the toilet in the main bathroom. Then again, I've been in some people's homes where they have a TV mounted in the bathroom too. But that's a different story.

No, for some people, home is truly where you leave it all behind. For me there are two simple pleasures in life that I just can't get enough of. The ocean, and riding. So when I say home is where you leave it all behind, it's because it's something you are able to enjoy and leave all the stress and garbage life tosses at you behind. That's why when it comes to riding my bike, it truly is a therapeutic event. It can be a ride to the store, around town, or just home from work. This is also why you'll often see a lone rider riding down the road in the rain. It's an escape that no beer or drug can replace. 

You see a man's physical bike can vary. Some like sport bikes, others cruisers, yet others move their ape hangers as high as possible, and many get their pipes as loud as they can. Everything from a rice burner to a barcalounger say something unique about the rider. But for those that move beyond the occasional weekend trip, and just love the ride, they've found the Man's Bike.

A man's bike is that two wheeled monster that you get on all by yourself, rev up, and cruise down the road with. You don't even have to have a destination. You clear you mind of all your troubles, and enjoy feeling the air move around you. You lean into turns, giving a little more gas, and feel like Superman weaving in and out of the clouds. A man's bike reminds you that your mortal, but challenges you to push harder anyway. It also reminds you to slow down enough and pay attention, otherwise you'll lose control and pay a hefty price. This is much like life. 

A man's bike has feelings too. (I'll use it here as not everyone considers their bike a she. For some it really is a he.) It's not some weekend warriors toy, that's bright and shinny. They're worn and dirty from constantly being outside and used. And if you don't pay enough attention, sometimes it'll get moody. You'll go out to start up for a ride, and you'll just get a whine. You add the choke, and still, just a whine. It's as if it's saying, "Who do you think you are, and just where have you been?" You'll actually have to give a bit of a push to get it to kick over, as a way of apologizing. And if it's accepted, you'll be riding down the road. If not. Well, you'll be paying a pretty penny for the shop to pamper it for a bit. 

A man's bike, is really an extension of the man that's rides it. You're key to getting out, being reminded what life is, and what you need to do when you shut down and go back inside the house. Some of us need to ride a little more often, less we forget what we have. Some of us need to ride more often, to be reminded of things we've lost. Some of us need to ride, to celebrate what we have and what we've lost. Some of us just need to ride. A man's bike, just another part of a man that's often over looked.

Just one view of my current ride.

Adventures in Life

A lot of things change as we get older. When we're kids, we didn't necessarily have a lot of choice in how we spent our nights. But staying at a friends or relatives was usually great. Camping even better. But it was whatever was alright with the folks. Then we finally got that freedom to do as we pleased. Oh man, it's like dropping a tone of raw meat in a shark tank.

I think back to some nights before I enlisted and some of my early years in the military, and I shudder to think of some of the stuff I would do. A great night out was loading up some of the guys, and going down to Mexico for a night of booze, loud Mexican music, soggy chips, salsa, and then making the trek to Denny's after drunkenly testing the fates and coming back home. Yeah, I'm glad the folks didn't learn of that until years later.

A night out in Ishikawa, Okinawa, Japan.

Then came my service years. The first part of it, you could easily find me at an E-Club, or a local hole with some booze, loud music, or even some karaoke. This was usually topped off with the Okinawa offerings of yakisoba, taco rice and cheese, or one of the biggest corn dog's you ever imagined. There was usually more drinking to be done after returning to the barracks as well.

Gate 1 outside of Cp Hansen in Okinawa. Nothing but restaurants and bars.

The next phase I'm not sure how it came about. Either as my time as an MP dealing with drunks, dealing with drunks in the barracks, or just generally being tired of boozing it up. But for me at that time a good night, or weekend for that matter was SCUBA diving, sight seeing, or even just hanging out at the beach. I'd go out to the various restaurants, different beaches to lounge or dive, the various sites from the aquarium to waterfalls. It didn't matter where or what, just that it was there to be done and not in the confines of a bar, or barracks.

Playing with Nemo and his cousin in the East China Sea.

Posing with the A&W Great Root Bear in Nago, Okinawa, Japan.

Then I came back to the States, a little older, and a little wiser hopefully. And again things changed. Bars still do nothing for me. Clubs are a joke in general. There for a while a nice night out became a meal, and a movie. But even that changed quickly. There for a while I knew I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what. Going to the zoo is still a treat. A few years ago my youngest and I were treated to watching a giraffe being born.

A giraffe being born at the Albuquerque Bio Park around 2009. You can see the hooves under the mothers tale.

Sometimes going out is still the answer. Some place that isn't too rowdy, a restaurant here and there. The zoo a rare treat. But outside of taking a road trip someplace, or camping, there's one thing that I can do pretty much every night that makes me happy. Sit out on the porch with my wife, a cigar, a drink, maybe some music, and just stare off into the sky. Who'd have ever thought that a good night would become a night at home? Guess it's true. You can take the boy out the country (sometimes literally), but you can't take the country out of the boy.

You can see my bench  a little on the far left.

It's funny how things change.

Sensory overload. Time to unplug.

I recently took on a mission. I'm looking to unplug a bit. Not get completely away from the web mind you, but release it some. Ease my grip from the desire to be plugged into the ongoings of everything a bit, and get back to basics. It seems more and more that we as a society are plugged into everything. I'll use myself for an example, as I have become typical in this respect. This probably rings true for you too. At least in some respect.

I almost always have a computer running around me. If I'm not on a computer, then odds are good that I have my smartphone in hand and something going with it. And even if I'm somewhat broken away from it, I'm on my Xbox, playing a multiplayer game, complete with my mic dangling from my head. Everything is plugged in.

And while it does provide a lot of convenience, it has also become a bit of a crutch. A simple conversation, I'm still doing something on a computer or my phone. Dinner with the family, my phone is in my free hand. TV is off so I can sleep, phone is back in hand. Taking my son to school, hold on a moment while I put in my earplugs so I don't miss anything on the way. Bathroom... fortunately I refrain from stupid duck face and other bathroom pics, but yes, there's a good chance I'm playing games or texting in there like everyone else.

Sensory overload.

I'm sitting here and I'm thinking to myself. When was the last time I enjoyed some time with my wife without looking down at some screen? When was the last time I truly just sat and enjoyed the scenery without looking a a little glowing screen? When was the last time I sat down to eat without reading posts, or something else for dinner? When was the last time I sat down and had a conversation outside of work where my attention was on nothing but the conversation?

So I've decided to unplug some. It's time to go back to a basic phone. It's time to get an mp3 player that's not constantly connected to the web. It's time to get back to enjoying scenery. It's time to be sitting down for a conversation and giving that person 100% of my attention.

So to do this, I'm forcing myself to break some habits, and form new ones.

1) Turn off the cable. Check. We did this a couple years ago, and it's been a wonderful change. I wish we had done it sooner.

2) Limit time on the computer. Hard, but doable.

3) Cut the smartphone, and go back to a basic phone. Very hard. But I do have my computer for most things that are on it. Aside from a few games which can be forgotten, or played on a tablet during computer time, the thing that's hardest for me is my music. Which brings us to 4.

4) Get an mp3 player. I love my music, it's a crutch that has always been with me. Listening to my parents record player when I was little. Basically taking over their first walkman and making it my own so I could listen to the radio and tapes as I went to sleep. (I probably listened to the Cars, and the Grass Roots more than anyone on the planet because of this). Even those goofy radio earphones in the 80's were part of my collection. And with the exception of USMC Boot Camp, I have always had a walkman of some sort with me. Everywhere I've been, music has been there.

5) Get out more. Time for walks or just finding more to do outside.

So the most critical part here, at least to me, is finding a music player that I can be happy with. Something that will hold a ton of music without me having to constantly re-sync with a computer. 2 GB probably seems like a lot to most people, but for someone of my tastes, it's a joke. I have well over 25 GB in the cloud alone, without looking at my CD collection. And my taste from now to 10 minutes from now can change in a rabbits heart beat.

In addition, I want something that will last. Not some cheap POS that will die after a 3 foot drop from my desk. Something that can handle the occasional drop without issue. And will last me for a while. From what I've been reading though, mp3 players have become cheap and disposable since most people rely on their phones for this entertainment now. As much as I despise Apple (I'm a Linux user that goes to Windows as needed) I find myself leaning more towards getting a dreaded iPod. It's not to say that it's the end of the world. But I'd rather not.

So my mission continues. If anything this rings a bell for you, you might look at making some changes too. What do you use as an mp3 player? Would you recommend it? How do you unplug from an increasingly plugged in world? ESCAPE THE MATRIX!

Life dreams, journeys, opinions, and advice.

A lil bit on joining the military here. Before, during, and now years after I'm still asked, "why would you join the military?" My retort, why wouldn't you? I'm of the opinion that every able bodied person should serve at least one term. But that's just me.

For me it goes back a ways though. I come from a family where damn near every generation has had at least one person go into the military. It's not required, expected, pressured, or even really talked about. It just happens. So there may be some bias there. My personal journey started way before that though. When I was little, I'd line up all of my toys to face off against each other. I knew from a young age I wanted to be in the service, I just didn't know what branch, and I wanted to be a cop. By the time I was in high school, I can still recall many people telling me I was nuts, or trying to dictate which branch to go in because "it was safer." Safer? My opinion hasn't changed on this part. Screw safer, if you're looking for safety go lead a pack of girl scouts at a bake sale! It doesn't matter what branch you're looking at, "safer" shouldn't be a consideration.

Bottom line is regardless of the job you want or end up with, the military is there to look the Grim Reaper in the eye, smile, piss on his feet, and call him a pussy.

Then came the vast majority, but not all, of my teachers and the outspoken ass hats that never had the balls to serve telling me I'd never graduate let alone make it. Now, I'm the first to admit I was a jerk once I hit puberty. After some time bouncing between private and public schools, and moving around, I finally got in gear. I buckled down on my school work, got my grades up, and then applied to NMMI.

For those that don't know NMMI is an 4 year high school, and 2 year junior college with an Army commissioning program. Some refer to it as the West Point of the west. Oh man, I had so many people tell me I wouldn't make it a week there, it made me sick. Upon getting there, I learned that because of how different the curriculum was (private school credits don't carry over to other schools in my state), I'd graduate much later as well. 2 years late! Yes, I was 20 when I finally graduated. Not only did I make it through 2 years, I graduated, and to this day I'm still in touch with some of the best friends I'll ever make from there. It was while I was here I finally enlisted in the USMC.

Even after making it through NMMI, going back home was a nightmare. Not only had I proven the nay-sayers wrong, but they continued to say I'd never amount to anything and wouldn't make it through boot camp.

I can remember the flight out to San Diego still. A group of us flew from Albuquerque, NM together. Made it to the USO where we were told where to go to wait for our bus to MCRD. Finally a few white busses pulled up and were wer rushed in, and told to keep our mouths shut by what I viewed at the time as the worst recruiter in history. After a while, this same person would tell us to put our heads down and look at the floor as we continued on. Finally the bus came to a stop, another guy jumped on the bus and started yelling at us in a tongue that I can only describe as an alien dialect as we were rushed off the bus and onto some yellow footprints. The journey began, and I'd not only gain new life long friends, but a new family. And I will be able to claim the title of US Marine until the day I die.

So why join up? To serve. To be a part of something bigger than yourself. To be a part of a small, and unique culture or warriors. To know that your work made a difference somewhere. To accomplish what others can only dream of. To travel to places you'd otherwise never see. To meet new people. To develope special skills that others lack. To find character that others only dream about. And to know you'll never know what it's like to regret not stepping up to the plate and showing just how big your balls really are.

All these years later, I can look back with pride. I graduated from a top notch school. I became a Marine. And was a military policeman which allowed me to kill two birds with one stone. I proved all the nay-sayers wrong. I accomplished everything I wanted in my childhood  quickly. Now I set goals, and look for new achievements just for me. I don't care about the nay-sayers anymore because they're all wrong. I've become a parent. And recently added collge grad to my list of completions. So regardless of hurdles, I look forward to lifes journey and take my time in choosing what direction I want to go in it these days. You can do that once you've learned how to accomplish your goals and dreams.

So my advice to everyone is this. Figure out what your dream is, and go for it. Use the nay-sayers to fuel those desires. Even if you don't join the military (I'll admit it's not for everyone) don't wait. Once you know what you want, look at what you need to do to get there, and start taking the steps. Even though you may not be able to take them all at once, the ability to take those other steps will present themselves in due time. Just keep moving.